Thursday, 29 September 2011

Ya devi sarbabhuteshu shaktipupen sansthita...

Durga Pujo is here,well,almost here.And I thought it was a good time to go back to the old days,see how I've changed over the years...Durga Pujo isn't only a festival for us Bongs,it's a part of our life.No matter what social class you belong to,what financial condition you're in,what family problems you're facing...this is the time when we forget it all and enjoy like never before.When I was a kid,Durga Pujo meant getting pink frocks with matching headbands and visiting pandals with my parents.We almost always had a fight over what to eat and where to eat.My dad hated eating out(he still does).For him,it was a wastage of money.He hated roadside delicacies too because they were unhygienic.he didn't want me to have icecreams because they'd give me a cold.He didn't want me to have chocolates either because they weren't good for my teeth.So,as you see,we were left with almost no options.And my mom had a problem with everything I wore.The hemlines were too short,the colors were too bright,the fabrics were too sheer and I was too young to put on a little lipcolor and wear heels and so on.But still,when I finally went into the pandal and saw the idol,the 'dhaaki' playing the 'dhaak',people dancing with the 'dhunuchi',kids having fun with the fake pistols...all the fights just didn't matter.The emotion of the people never failed to touch me.I was amazed at the ability of the people to forget and forgive and celebrate as if nothing happened.When I was a little older,Pujo meant going to my uncle's place and pandal hopping with my cousins.Then,after a few more years,I started going out with my friends.Over the years,Pujo has changed its meaning for me.But I never stopped looking forward to it.I've had bad Pujos,when I was so depressed that I didn't get out of my place at all!But things came back to normal soon.This year's Pujo is a little weird.I've got a job and I reconciled with a long lost friend and I should be happy.But I'm far from happy! I've not finished my shopping yet,I've not made plans and I've finally realized that I don't have what it takes to crack CAT.My scores have marginally improved but my percentiles are nowhere near the cut off.That means everybody else is doing so much better than me and I don't stand a chance.I no more have Dance to escape from all problems.But I still haven't stopped hoping that everything will be allright once Goddess Durga is here.That's the thing about her-she IS hope.                              


Bharat Chakra

Jodhpur Park

Singhi Park

Tridhara Sangha
                                                                                                                          Anyway,since I won't be able to get pandal and idol pictures before Sunday,thought I'd share a few of my favorites from last year's Pujo.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Can it get any simpler than this?

I've always loved fashion.But at the same time,I've never been comfortable with all the complications it gives birth to.Life is enough complicated already.Why make it more complicated?Having said that,a grand Sabyasachi piece or a Marc Jacobs jacket never fails to amaze me.Just the fact that someone put in so much thought and effort into a single piece of garment is highly inspirational for me.I stare at it and stare at it and still can't have enough of it.But when it comes to my own wardrobe,I prefer simple,clean silhouette with minimal designs.I DO have fun with prints sometimes but then I keep the other things as simple as possible.And believe me,whoever sang that song 'Serve me potatoes and mashed tomatoes,give me the simple life'(I might not have written all the lyrics correctly,I don't remember it all.So,feel free to rectify it),was a genius.You get the happiest moments of your life out of the simplest things.As far as I'm concerned,I DID get the job I was SO not looking forward to! Though I've no idea how.If I'm THAT good at hiding my real emotions,life'd have been much simpler by now.But I can't deny one thing-getting a job DOES feel pretty great.I've a few very close friends who didn't get in in spite of being deserving and when I see them roaming around the campus with an empty expression,I can't help thanking God for not making me face it.I think I'm pretty strong but maybe it's time for a reality check.Anywho,my Pujo shopping isn't over yet and I can't find the red denims in my size(and within my budget).Looks like ALL the pairs of my size sold out in the few weeks while I was busy 'getting a job'.*Wipes tears*
I'm spending a lot of time(over phone)with an ex-friend.We haven't talked to each other for three years and there's a lot to catch up on.He's one of the best persons I've ever known and by far,he's the only guy to have liked me for the person I'm.Everybody else had some issues with me or the other and though they loved me too,they wanted to change me which I wasn't comfortable with.Talking to him is easy but it's really hard to figure things out with a long lost friend.I just hope I don't do anything I might regret later.

And for all those who're wondering why the 'cute but a little too fair Verbals teacher with pink lips and a perfect British accent' doesn't feature in my posts any more,fret not.I'm still smitten by him.It's just that I get to see him at 8 a.m. on Sunday and I'm not in my best mood before 12 p.m.So,we've not been having the best time together.But I really hope that'll change once we start having English workshops on Sat too.And I've officially taken one more step forward in screwing CAT.My exam is on 25th Oct and I still don't know a thing!So,dreams of studying H.R. are already,well,a dream.Anyway,much about my boring life.Will try to make the next post more 'meaningful' and interesting.Till then,I'll leave you with the pictures I took in front of Emami Plaza,Lord Sinha road.For all the non-Kolkatans,the 'gola' and 'chaat' are LEGENDARY over there!The 'phuchka' isn't bad too.I went to visit a doctor near Shakespeare Sarani and thought I should drop by.I've not been there for a few months.And how yummy does my icecream look,huh?Though technically it's not mine because the friend of mine bought it but I DID have it!And we also got our money back after having half of it because it didn't taste the way 'it was supposed to'.*Wink*

Friday, 23 September 2011

Just like that...

Oh,I almost forgot how it felt to accept an apology. For the record,it DOES feel great! Even now! And I finally think that I love the word 'no strings attached' so much that I might marry it by the time I turn thirty. It was invented for me only! It's like one of those slumber parties you don't have to buy gifts for but you still get to eat the best leftovers and watch the scariest movies. And I'm enjoying being a little cruel too. You see,I've been a nice girl all my life. So,I decided to get a makeover and be the devious vamp for a change. I'm incorporating subtle changes in my wardrobe too. But if I get bored soon,you won't even get to see my makeover! Because I've been really busy(and lazy)these days. So,didn't really get time for pictures. I DID carry my camera to places but I either forgot or wasn't allowed to click pictures. Anyway,Durga Pujo will be here any minute and I promise to make it up to you then. So,a lot of pictures are coming up. Also,my friend Moumita will be coming back to Kolkata too. She's obsessed with my camera. So,you need picture-less posts now to make sure that you're ready for the picture overdose. And I'm finally thinking of making my relationship status 'it's complicated' though I know people'll interpret it quite oppositely. But who cares?And I'm also thinking of getting a tattoo after passing out. Feel free to suggest designs,good studios in Kolkata,precautions,anything. Nothing like free advice. I'd really appreciate it.As of now,I'd leave you with a picture that means a lot to me.It's not related in any way to my post or maybe it is,in some way or the other. I just wanted to share it with you for a long time.I clicked it from a Park Street cemetery. I don't know why but I can look at it forever and still not have enough of it. It shows the blend of the old and the new,the emerging and the forgotten so beautifully!

Thursday, 22 September 2011

We could've had it all...

I've read that people write their best when they're in pain. True. Pain is the creativity hormone. I've read some authors at their best when they were in pain(Virginia Wolf,Alice Walker). I guess pain opens the doors to our heart and we no more care to guard our secrets. I've always been a pain freak. I can't stand happiness for long. It just seems too frivolous. But pain has always been easier because I had someone to blame. But when the cause of your pain is the cause of your relief itself,you've no one to fall back on. And that's how 'she' emptied the luggage she had been carrying for three years.You all must be familiar with 'her' by now.She's dramatic,philosophical,complicated,thoughtful,stupid and probably every thing else.Really,there's almost no adjective apart from 'pretty' that doesn't suit her. It all started three years back.She met this guy who really liked her,who really cared for her and he was the only man she has ever met who loved her for what she was.He didn't want to change her.But like I said,'complicated' is her middle name.So,she messed up this seemingly perfect love story.Actually,now when I sit back and think,she probably wasn't in LOVE with him.But definitely,he was much,much,more than 'just another friend'.He was special from the very beginning.He was the only person who never hurt her.He treated her like a delicate flower,always careful,always tender.No,they didn't date.They just happened to share a very,very special friendship.And yes,I'll repeat,he was the only person who never hurt her.Until that night.What happened that night?Actually,nothing.Two people were talking over phone.One LOVED 'Slumdog millionaire',the other one didn't.You might have guessed by now who LOVED it and who didn't.He was saying that India has been shown in a poor light over there and they're earning money by basically showing the rest of the world an India that's not India at all,it's a part of India and they're projecting India as a glamorously poor country because rich people don't want to see movies on rich people.He was arguing that if Danny Boyle sees the poverty of 'Dharavi',then how come he doesn't see the wealth of Park Street?Has he not researched enough or did he just choose to ignore some of the outcomes of his research?And she was blindly defending the movie.She was saying how it worked for her.He said,'Maybe for you,not for me.'And he hung up and never called again.You see,the story isn't as simple as that.'Slumdog millionaire' hardly played a part in it.She had been trying to avoid him for a while.She had told him that her family didn't like him.So,she couldn't be friends with him which was completely untrue.She was just too scared to face herself,to come to terms with her own feelings.She liked him,undoubtedly.But she thought she didn't like him enough to give him her word.And he deserved better than an open relationship.There couldn't be a better excuse than family problem.Everything seemed to fall in place and he was gone,just like that.He cared for her way too much to create any problem in her family.He didn't even say good bye.She waited,waited and waited.She didn't know what she was waiting for.She didn't expect him to return.She didn't WANT him to return.She wanted him gone,for once and for all.She wanted him to meet someone else,get married and live happily ever after.But you see,people leave but the memories remain.It's easy to forget someone but it's not easy to forget how he made you feel,how he called you every night,how he came to meet you with flowers whenever you were ill,how he gave you a rose every day,hidden in a box so that no one could see(since they weren't dating,it might be embarrassing for her,he thought),how he always thought of you whenever he went anywhere and never forgot to bring a gift.He was a habit of hers.Being around him made her feel so safe!She was always her usual self,she never had to pretend to like anything or agree even if she didn't.So,she kept missing him.She was a little mad at him too.She didn't want to be the first one to go and break the ice.She knew he would never do that as well.He says he was ashamed of himself.He thought she hated him and didn't want to have anything to do with him.Years passed by.He met someone else,they fell in love and everything worked out perfectly.But he says he never forgot her.He kept track of her,always.She believes him.Life was going on fine.She was comfortable feeling a heady cocktail of hatred,anger,love,pain and indifference for him.He was comfortable being a good boyfriend to her girlfriend.Till he decided to make things normal and threw a passing comment at her.All hell broke loose.She couldn't control all that she had been holding up all these years.First she said something sarcastic,then she confronted him,then she cried.He tried to comfort her in every possible way but three years is a long time.And it feels longer when it's too late.She never thought it'd take her an innocent remark to realize how much he meant for her.But really,she still doesn't want a relationship.She knows it'd take all the charm out of it.It'd turn them into one of those plain couples.All the extraordinary passion would be gone.She has always been obsessed with pain.And pain never felt so beautiful,so peaceful.It's almost as if she wants to fall asleep so that pain can take care of her like a doting mother,wrapping her child in a blanket,making sure that her fingers aren't outside the blanket.She wants this pain to suck her in,like an Octopus,making sure not even the slightest of her tears spills over.And for the first time in three years,she feels alive.She hasn't felt this much for a while.There are so many emotions crowding her mind that she sometimes has to push them down.She just can't help one thing-wondering what would have happened if she had felt it back then and if she had been brave enough to acknowledge it and most importantly,say it out loud.Could they have had it all?But I guess that's a question she'll never get the answer of.And these uncertain feelings are what makes it so beautiful.And this is what will keep her creative juices flowing,hopefully.

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Running away...

And finally,it's here.She found it really easy to kind of shoo the thoughts away till now.But with every passing day,she feels the stress right under her skin.What if she doesn't get in?What if her so-called enemies get in before her?She couldn't care less about earning money.If anything,she didn't want to earn so soon.It felt oddly mature,it felt like growing up so much that you could never go back to being 'just a student'.And she wasn't ready to give up having 'phuchka' in front of 'Dakshinapan' so soon.She could still live in her backpack.She still had so many classes to bunk,so many teachers to fall for,so many joints to smoke.Life had just started for her.
                                                                                                                                               But at the same time,she wanted to make her parents proud.She has been fighting a long-lost battle since she was born.She knows she isn't the daughter they had wanted.They knew they weren't exactly her dream parents.But nonetheless,she loved them.They had sacrificed a lot to put her into a decent school,afford her shopping sprees and hangouts with her friends.They had a hard time buying her the course books but they never said 'no' to her when she wanted to buy every new entry on the fiction rack of Crossword.She owed them this much.After all they have done for her,the last thing they deserve is a public humiliation.
                                                                                                                                              She didn't think much for herself.She was yet to figure things out.She wasn't sure what she wanted from life.She has a few ideas though.It should contain the words 'free-spirited','creativity','fun','no rules','reading a lot' and 'writing a lot'.But she was yet to give it a name.
                                                         Things came too soon.Almost in no time.Sometimes she wonders if she chose the right path at all.English had been the plan all along.But then she thinks of having to read all the other subjects meant for the 'Arts' people and write(read vomit)them all down.That's not the life she'd have felt comfortable in.But then,nor is Circuit Theory.She loved English,she loved History.They talked to her,gave her goosebumps,but only when she wasn't reading them for an exam.
                                                                                          Sometimes,she wanted to scream.Maybe it'd get all the pain,indecision,confusion and guilt out of her system,she thinks.Maybe she'd be able to go back to her normal life-going to dance class,hating her college papers,reading,shopping and blogging.But then,the world feels just too quiet.She dares not disturb it.She remembers walking on her tip toes,making sure that her grandpa didn't wake up,back in childhood.It's like grandpas all over the world,again.

                                                                                                                             Sometimes,she hates herself.She hates herself for not being fond of the things her friends are.She hates herself for not wanting the same things her friends do.She hates herself for being so drastically different.She hates herself for not being talented enough to make the rest of the world give a damn.She hates herself for dreaming and then not having the guts to make them come true.She hates herself for being 'her'...

Monday, 12 September 2011

Of coming home back,not having a clue and then getting the biggest surprise of the month!

That's the thing about dressing down.You feel at home,you feel comfortable and at the same time,you feel down.I guess that's why they call it dressing 'down'.I've been thinking for a long time how to jazz it up a little.And then I saw a look of Jasleen's almost a year back and I was hugely inspired. She desifies almost every look of hers-sometimes with a jute bag,sometimes with a pair of mojris,sometimes with vintage jewellery...I've never been a fan of out-and-out traditional dress ups.Nor do conservatively Western looks appeal to me.I swear by the word 'mix and match'.So,I had a long day at college today.Got out at 8:30 a.m. and returned after 10 p.m.So,when I woke up in the morning,there was only one thing in my mind-COMFORT!And I dressed down.But added my small twist and ended up feeling like a princess throughout the day!Took a few pictures before going out.Thought would share.
                                                         On a totally unrelated note,you must remember the 'cute but a little too fair verbals teacher with pink lips and a perfect British accent'.I bought this card for him but couldn't give it to him since we weren't having English classes for two weeks or so.So,I left the card with the receptionist and cleverly(or not-so-cleverly) slipped in my mail ID inside the card.It has been a few days.I almost started to think that it was a wrong decision but after coming home back tonight,I found a mail in my inbox-thanking me for the card and a few more kind words that I'd like to keep to myself.I had a terrible day,I really did.But I couldn't ask for a better gift to forget it all.You see,I DO NOT have a crush on him!In fact,I might even consider going out with someone else after September(I'm still working on that and I've not reached a conclusion yet) but I don't know why,the very sight of him makes me want to giggle like a five year old!His easy charm WORKS on me and how!A few moments with him fills me with such a child-like glee!I've not been this happy for quite a while and the best part is that it's completely harmless!No hangover,no expectations,no side effects...It's like watching a street dancer perform.Happiness without any cost.It's so pure and so innocent that it almost freaks me out!Whenever I've been this happy in the past,it didn't come without ugly consequences.But that's something I don't really have to worry about,right?It'll come when it is supposed to.Till then,a visit to the candy store doesn't hurt,does it?

Sunday, 11 September 2011

Of weird confessions and sweetheart uncles

It all started a month ago.You see,I've always been a little uneasy eating in front of someone else.Except for desserts,maybe.Because it is sexy and classy.Eating everything else in front of others made me feel so tongue-tied.I always thought that with my already not-so-small face,I must look like a vulture gulping things down.Whenever I wanted things to be romantic,I kept food out of the picture.Coming back to the original story,I've been having these long classes(six hours,sometimes even nine)for a few months now.My mom,being the good ol' homely and caring mom she is,packs me a sandwich,noodles or curries for lunch.But the thing is that I just don't know how to eat without getting ketchup,crumbs or gravy on my lips.And sometimes it's a little too spicy and I wipe my tears off with my left hand and make my kohl a little grainy and soggy.And if I go to the washroom carrying my bag after that,all these nerds of the class throw me such judgmental glances!As if I'm going to lose my virginity in the washroom and they'll tweet about it the moment I'm out of the room!So,I come up with this awesome plan.I reach half an hour early,leave my lunch box,breath mint,hand sanitizer,kohl,sunscreen,compact,lip balm,comb and tissue behind the sink,where no one else could see it and attend the class.Then,during the break,I go to the washroom(without anything in my hand so that these bitches think that it's normal and I'm not going to pile on more make up on my face),have my lunch,touch up my kohl and all and come back to class.After the classes are over,I go back to washroom(with my bag.Since the classes're over now,I won't leave the bag in the class,would I?),get my stuff and come back like nothing happened.If anyone asks me why I’m not having lunch these days,I just tell them that I’ve been trying to lose a few pounds lately.Initially,having lunch in the washroom grossed me out.I couldn't sleep at night.Then I got oddly comfortable with it.And you thought you knew ALL the weird stuff in the world!
                                                                                      Why am I telling you all these,you might ask.Well,the truth is that I've not yet gathered up enough courage to tell anyone about it.Now,a few of my friends and my family DO read my blog once in a while.So,I'm expecting them to come up to me and start with,'How could you?Come on!That's so weird!And gross!' or something like that.But I really wanted to share it with someone to get the burden off my shoulders.And what better audience than you people?Feel free to judge me.I myself am not that convinced of my normalcy anymore.

                                                                                                                                 On a brighter note,say 'hello' to my brand new pumps!I got them from Shreeram Arcade,thanks to my very considerate 'chhotomama'!I've not worn them properly yet.I did give them a trial run but it didn't end well,thanks to the unpredictable weather.I'm planning to wear them on Friday.Will try to get more pictures to share with you all.And my placement is on 19th September,the next Monday,that is.Please pray for me,will you?I really need ALL the luck in the world to save my sorry ass!

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

To sir,with love

Okay,I know it's been two days and I should've posted it a lot earlier and I'm sorry! There,I said it. Now stop sulking and start reading.
                                    On a brighter note,postponing this post made me think about it more and I actually found some things that you won't have seen in the earlier post.To be honest,I deleted the earlier one and this one has NOTHING to do with the earlier one.
                                                         I spent the Teachers' day in the most plain way possible.Went to my Kathak class,then went shopping and had an 'adda' session at my uncle's place after coming home back.But I've been a little lost throughout the day.Make no mistake,I HATE TEACHERS! Even now! But there ARE some teachers who actually made a difference in my life. I'm not on friendly terms with them all but I respect them a lot.So,this post is dedicated to all of them.

  • Indrani Saha- She was my first dance teacher,ever.I've known her for more than eighteen years! I called her 'Rumi di'. We've had a love-hate relationship but I can never be enough grateful to her for introducing me to this fascinating world! I was around three when I saw her for the first time.She taught me how to stand into a 'thaath'(the basic Kathak posture).There've been times when the very presence of hers made me cringe-be it the bad English,bad breath,pathetic salwaar kameezes or very domestic interests.She even became lazier day by day-refusing to get up to show the steps to the students,refusing to take the 'tabla' out...But I'd like to think of her the way I saw her eighteen years back-an energetic twenty one years old with a love for dance who was willing to go to any length to turn a girl into a dancer.
  • Writam Chanda-He used to be my Chemistry teacher.He was in first year when I met him.I HATED Chemistry,for the record and I still do.But he was one of those tough teachers who never,never gave up.He used to insult me in every possible way.He just didn't beat me up.He said I was 'pathetic' and 'I'd never be able to achieve anything in life' and many more hurtful things.I used to hate him like anything!He was very responsible though.Even when he had broken up with his long-time girlfriend and was totally devastated,he didn't miss a single class! I got to see the real him after our little teacher-student stint was over.He became one of my best friends.We or at least I used to share everything under the sun with him! I was seeing someone else when he came into my life.In fact,that boyfriend of mine had introduced me to him.So,we had a very brother-sister vibe going on.But then,things with my boyfriend didn't work out and we broke up.My exams were going on and it was a really hard time.He was there for me throughout.I still believe that I owe him at least fifty percent of my boards result.Without his rock solid support,I probably won't have been here today.Then we even dated for a while and I must say that I've had the most satisfying relationship of my life with him.We used to fight a lot but that was something I really loved about our relationship.We almost never agreed on something but we still knew how to respect the other person's point of view.All these didn't last for long though.I came to know that he had been cheating on his girlfriend with me.He himself confessed it to me and went back to his 'real' girlfriend,leaving me heart-broken.I picked up my pieces and moved on,only to get another call from him a few months later-he wanted to get back together with me.He said he had ended things with that girl for once and for all.Boy,did I love him! I still laugh at myself for getting back together.Initially,it was great and I was happier than ever before.But then,one fine morning,he just vanished.I waited,waited and waited,only to realize one day that he would never come back.He did contact me a few times thereafter but only as a friend.I don't know why he did this to me but I guess all good things come with side effects.It was in his nature only.He didn't know how to be in a relationship,stick to one girl and live happily ever after.I've forgiven him and wherever he is now,I hope he's doing well.This episode with him taught me a lot of things and I'm grateful to God for helping me come out of it.I emerged from it a stronger person and I've got nothing to complain about.
  • Sumit Kumar-He was my dance instructor for almost a year.He was smart,well-dressed and somewhat funny but he wasn't my favorite for these reasons.He was a GREAT dancer,to begin with.But I guess that'd be an understatement.The grace with which his feet and hands moved on the floor,the sharpness of his pirouette turns...I just watched him spellbound.He was one of those few dance teachers who took dance seriously and was willing to do whatever it takes to make his students feel the same.He was an excellent choreographer and very strict too.I'm known for my 'not so flexible' body when it came to contemporary but he was actually able to teach me a few things in contemporary,jazz and ballet! He never took 'no' for an answer.I've stopped going to his classes now and he too has moved to Delhi but I'll always miss dancing under his guidance.And I DID have a crush on him too.I used to give him assorted chocolates for no reason.But later I found out that he just wasn't my type.I needed someone more well-read and intelligent.But I respect him as a teacher nonetheless.
  • Sanket Chowkidar-He's probably the most over hyped teacher in my life!Writam da was really important too but I didn't have a facebook account or a blog back then.So,he didn't enjoy the amount of online attention that Sanket sir does,thanks to my posts.FYI,Sanket sir is that 'cute but a little too fair verbals teacher with pink lips and a perfect British accent' of mine.You've read about him a lot.He has inspired me a lot and I'm almost obsessed with him! But to be honest,I've never really got a chance to interact with him personally.Most of the interactions have been in the class only but it was enough to know what an extraordinary teacher he is.I never had feelings for him but at the same time,being in front of him was much,much more than 'just a class'.It's complicated with a capital 'C'!And please don't ask me,I won't be able to explain it.But all I know is that I'm not the person I was till Dec,2010 and the credit goes to him.He has made me see life from a whole new perspective.He has changed me for better.He probably thinks I'm one of those 'many' students who have a crush on him.He probably doesn't even know my name.I'm pretty sure I might have inspired a joke or two back at his dining table,with his wife(Yeah,he might be married for all I know) but I can't thank him enough for coming into my life and turning it upside down.

Saturday, 3 September 2011


She was in a bad mood.For no particular reason though.She wanted to shake it all off her body and feel stupid.Instead,she just felt heavy.She had never a been a teacher's pet.All her life,the teachers had always hated her,for various reasons-sometimes it was because she laughed at their pronunciation,sometimes it was because she would be busy chatting with her friends throughout the whole class...She actually took pride in being a rebel.She deliberately made it a point not to answer any question even if she knew the right answer.That was her way of protesting against the system.Give us blokes,make us call them 'sir' and 'auntie' and 'miss' and 'madam' and we'll give you silence-the very early form of non-cooperation.Life was good and adventurous,till HE came along.HE changed it all.She suddenly found herself looking forward to attending classes and participating actively.And,to her horror,it actually felt pretty good.She'd wait for the whole week for those few hours.HE has always been very soft-spoken,almost inaudible.But to her,it sounded like music from a far off land.Yes,she was intrigued.And when she found out,it was too late.She kept convincing herself that it was a phase,she'd grow out of it but it had quite the opposite effect on her.It was still fine-a few hours of feel good verbals was actually doing her good.Besides,she figured that she'd be needing it for her exam anyway.So,giving a slightly better exam doesn't hurt at all!But then,the most weird thing happened.She missed HIM.HE was supposed to take their class today.When she reached the institute,HE wasn't there.Another teacher took the first class.She kept hoping that the next class would be HIS but HE never came.She actually spent an hour last night writing an essay to make HIM believe that she was more than 'just another wannabe blogger'.She sneaked out of her class twice to see if HE had come.Saying 'sir,I need to pee' more than twice in a three-hour class in front of twenty five other people felt odd.She waited for almost half an hour after the class was over,hoping HE'd stop by and apologize to the receptionist saying HE 'had some business that made him late already.Then he got stuck near Camac Street and was sorry for being so terribly late'.Then HE'd ask the front desk girl how her trip was and how her mom was doing.Then,HE'd look at her and say,with mock surprise,'You're still here?I thought your class was over.'And she'd say,'I had to see you.'But nothing happened.After half an hour,the receptionist came to her and asked if she needed something.'I need to submit this to sir.He isn't coming today,is he?',she asked,showing her essay.'I'm afraid he won't be here today.He has another class to attend.',replied the girl.'Will you please be kind enough to give it to him when you see him?',she requested.'My name is written in there.''Sure!',the receptionist said.She didn't miss a hint of sarcasm in her voice.Waiting for half an hour to submit an essay?Quite a student!
                                                                                                           Sometimes she pictures HIM saying,with one of those coy smiles of HIS,'What possible excuse can you have for such an absurd thought?'.
No,she won't be able to explain.She didn't love HIM,never has,never will.She didn't picture herself in HIS arms.She couldn't even imagine HIM holding her,stroking her face,pulling her locks away from her forehead,then,slowly breaking into a passionate kiss.She DID try to imagine these things a number of times but she never saw any specific face during these fantasies.A blurry face came in front of her eyes which was anything but HIS.She saw herself with someone tanned,rough,tall,temperamental,artistic,cruel,troubled...Not with a courteous dreamer with a chiming voice,perfect British accent,branded tees and pink lips.She has been through enough in her twenty something life to know that she DID not have feelings for HIM.HE was just a very good teacher and they shared a great chemistry.Maybe calling HIM a teacher would be unfair because HE was anything but a teacher.But was it even possible to develop such a close bonding in such a short time,and most importantly,with almost no personal interaction?How can someone be so influential that HE''d change your life upside down without even properly talking to you,once?If she knew the answer,she'd have been home by eight p.m.She won't have had to wait in the dark library for half an hour,pretending to read those news on 'The Telegraph' that she knew by her heart.

Friday, 2 September 2011


I've not still got over the shock of the premature death of my yellow pumps.Still mourning...But I discovered an excellent way to keep the shoe-rapists at bay! Not that I discovered it or something,I always knew it but was too embarrassed to actually do it.But better embarrassed than sorry,right?So,today I wore my pink pumps(I don't think I'll ever be able to get out of my 'color' phase)to college.But I carried my shit slippers in my bag too.Slipped into them before boarding the train and then changed again after getting down.Saved my shoes and my mood.Yes,I did draw a few glances(sarcastic,judgmental or plain curious-they were all there) but I couldn't care less.You must know by now that I carry the rest of the world in my bags.So,carrying an extra pair of slippers shouldn't be a problem.
                                                                                                                        Also,there's something about dull weather that makes me want to wear yellow like nothing else.So,completing my yellow week,I wore a yellow belt today.The college session was better than yesterday.Our tech fest was going on.There were a lot of competitions though I didn't take part in any.I'm also getting better with relationship counseling.So many alternative career options popping up every now and then!Hopefully my life'd be equally awesome even if I don't make it to any company or any B school by February,2012.:P

                                                                                                                                  I've a lot to do tonight.I've to write another essay for that 'a little too fair but cute verbals teacher with pink lips',if you remember.And I also have to work on a project report.So,I'll leave you with the pictures and let them do all the talking.But be prepared for my 'serious' and 'meaningful' posts again because I'm gonna do one within Monday for sure.

Thursday, 1 September 2011

Dear five or seven years old kid in the metro,please don't stand on my shoes,it's suede and expensive,way more expensive than that of your mom's!Aaaaaaaarghhhhh!

A simple pair of yellow pumps has magic powers.It can pull you out of any frustration under the sun!Incorporate a little yellow in your wardrobe and trust me,the world seems to be a better place! I've the yellow kolhapuri all right(if you don't remember it,click here and here to have a look) but I had a pair of yellow pumps on my mind since,like forever! So,when I got this beauty in Simpark Mall a week back,I didn't think twice before taking it home.I've been waiting to wear it since then.Finally,I wore it to college today.The day was a total waste though.I was supposed to collect the affidavit form(where my parents are supposed to give a written statement that I won't rag any junior,only then will I get my sixth semester report card) from the exam cell which I couldn't because the teacher who was supposed to be in Web Technology lab,giving out forms,was actually 'busy' at Axis Mall,'enjoying himself' at the fest.Yeah,my college is finally organizing a fest.But I'm not attending since I've a hell lot of studying to do.Go ahead and call me a nerd.I hate myself too.Anyway,so,I went to Haldirams and had one of the best 'dahi phuchkas' of my life! And then,I treated myself to a plate of healthy (and feel good) idli.Hundred bucks for all these isn't too much,right?All was well until I boarded the metro and a very considerate crowd raped my shoes!I hate people who think just because it's a crowded train,they can do whatever they wish-groping a girl half their age,standing on someone else's shoes as if they were his/her cushions,attacking someone else's bag with their umbrellas. I've always traveled in public transport but I don't remember causing any discomfort to anyone,ever! My clothes and shoes and bags and nail paints and everything else are important for me.So,I understand that other people must love theirs too.And I take my best efforts to make sure that I'm not the reason of someone's 'wardrobe malfunction'.I wonder why people can't have the minimum manners. This kid was practically taking a walk on my shoes and when I asked him to get down,in the most polite way possible and his rich,fat,salwaar kameez-clad mom with a bad taste and bad breath hurled every possible curse on me! And,to my surprise,most of the 'ladies' around actually supported her! And that's how my poor little yellow pumps died a premature death,by a monstrous seven years old.*two minutes silence*
Anyway,luckily I captured its beauty on my lenses long before it said 'good bye' to me.Now I regret not taking more pictures.Thought would share the only proof of its existence.Otherwise,maybe,years later,people would actually refuse to acknowledge how beautiful it used to be,once upon a time!
P.S.My mom says I look WAY fatter in this top than I actually am and I agree with her.But I simply fell in love with it and haven't recovered ever since.You see,they don't say 'love is blind' for no reason.;-)
And all those who're sick of my black denims,please,don't ditch my blog for them.I'm looking for a pair of red ones.Just haven't found any in my budget yet.