Those days are gone...

I hate those days when I'm lost for words,whatever I try to write feels too light.And I can't decide what I should start my post with.Anyway,this post was supposed to be published last night but due to connection problems,I couldn't post it last night in spite of trying for a goddamned five hours(Don't worry,I was trying AND watching 'Eat Pray Love' simultaneously!So,maybe I'm not as dedicated as you think.)!Yesterday was 'Rakhi'(or 'Raksha Bandhan' if 'Rakhi' is too bong for you)and I owe my baby brother an apology.Yeah,I DID wish him but I'm the big sister,I'm supposed to do all that and more,no? I couldn't meet him,I couldn't even buy a 'rakhi' for him! 'I was busy' just doesn't sound fair enough. He's my only brother and though we don't get to see each other any more(sometimes even less than once in a year),I love him like anything!We've had such special moments over the years!He used to come to our place once in a year.I looked forward to that day for the rest of the year.He was never the caring brother other girls might've been blessed with.He was like a cat,an expert in absorbing all the affection from you and never really giving anything back.He would lie down on my lap,make me read bengali stories to him.I used to dote on him,feeding him home-made potato chips and messing with his hair.He was the only younger sibling I had.When one of his pranks went wrong,I always took the blame on myself.I wasn't really the luckiest kid around.I had nothing of my own back in my childhood.I was just really grateful that he was only mine.He was 'my brother'.I used to cry for almost an hour after he was gone,trying to remember the smell of his hair when we hugged because that was the only thing that'd help me wait for one more year.Once I was playing with a cheap beaded necklace and accidentally one of the beads got stuck inside my nose(Funny story-I don't remember how it landed up anywhere near my nose at all!).I was shit scared,but still didn't want to visit a doctor because of the injections(Yeah,I'm still afraid of them).He's the first person I wrote to after I had the bead taken out.Of course,I got to know later that he couldn't read then(I was four or five,how do you expect my baby brother to read?).But 'sejomama'(my maternal uncle and his dad)had assured me later that he had read it to him but he didn't really react(Quite obvious,no?).He hated dressing up like girls and still his mom made him pose as one of those hill girls plucking tea leaves in a costume party.He looked adorable,if you ask me.But he was so mad because I had appreciated those pictures by mistake!We were closer than ever back then.Then,gradually,he grew up,grew beards,started wearing shirts,got a mobile phone of his own,got over my bengali stories and became a man.How amazing it is!Watching someone younger than you grow up!Then he went to Xaviers'(FIY,I didn't make it to Xaviers' and I couldn't be more proud!).But you know what the irony is?I got to see him more when he used to stay at Jamshedpur or Ghatshila than I get to see him now!I sometimes feel that maybe I should try a little harder and go to movies or lunch with him once in a while but that's life!You never get to do what you want(or should,for that matter).Make no mistake,I still miss him,a lot.I just don't get a chance to prove to him how much I love him!When he asked for his 'rakhi' yesterday,I told him that he'd get it as a Christmas gift.So,till then,this is my gift to him,a post exclusively dedicated to him.God bless you,my li'l bro.You've grown up to be the most perfect brother I could've ever had.I wish we spent more time doing typical brother-sister stuff but it's never too late,right?And you better work a lot on those muscles,I'm not getting any lighter and since you're my 'only' brother,if,some day(may be when I'm well above 35 or 40),I decide to get married,you're the one who'll have to carry me all the way to the wedding stage('chhadnatala',isn't it?).And please buy a nice gift for me when I finally give you the 'rakhi' treat(We'll go to Peter cat or Silver chimney,allright?).All those who say that love is all you need to gift your sister,are seriously disturbed.Don't listen to all these bullshit.And please get a new haircut too.I'm sick of this one!:P