DOWN THE MEMORY LANES

A few days earlier,I came across this fantastic post by Poulami here and I was so inspired that I decided right there,right then to do a similar post(or maybe not-so-similar) over here.All throughout my early teens,I've been an avid romantic-growing up on Shakespeare,Thomas Hardy,Erich Segal,James Frey,George Orwell and back home,Saratchandra Chattapadhdhay.I had always believed that a romance can't be true until it is tinged with the pain of separation.I found a weird,almost morbid pleasure in shedding tears or hurting myself.I've not been the luckiest person as far as relationships're concerned but all my ugly relationships've had their fair share of beautiful moments-sharing a cone sitting on the stairs of a crappy movie theater,walking in the rains with hand in hand,fighting over a week and then breaking down as soon as he said those three magical words,eating molten chocolates off his hand,sitting by the 'Gangar ghat' and watching the sun going to sleep(Yes,that's what my mom had told me)...While I might not be in touch with the persons concerned,I still cherish all these golden memories.It doesn't bother me that the dreams we had dreamed together as 'we',don't exist any more because 'we' are history.Just remembering the excitement of going for a date in secret or whispering to him on the phone from my dad's bedroom,the thrill of waving to him from the school bus-these're enough to make me fall in love with life again.Maybe I can't control a drop or two of my 'precious' tears,but I can assure you that it's totally worth it.I've never believed that a relationship ends as soon as the two people break up,that's merely a start for me.But to forget what you had in between,that's abusing the relationship.For any peculiar reason,I've been thinking of my past relationships a lot over this week.And as much as I hate to admit it,I've been also wondering like 'If it hadn't happened,maybe we'd have been still together','If his mom hadn't tried to make my life a living hell,maybe we'd have been still dating','Am I still in love with him?' or 'Was getting back together a really bad idea?'...You see,a relationship,much like love,is irreversible.It always leaves a mark on your life which,no matter how hard you try,you'll never be able to erase totally.It's like that stain of blood you get on your vases after murdering someone for self defense and then hiding the body behind your house.They have this irritating habit of showing up only when you don't want them to.The scars of a past relationship also catch you off guard,just when you're at your most vulnerable state.Might be a song you've a special memory of,a place you've a painful memory associated with or simply an old friend who is still to know that you two're not together any more.But moving on doesn't always mean burning pictures or letters,deleting contacts from your phone or abusing the person in your breath throughout the whole day.It only makes you angrier and therefore,more fragile.Chances are there that the very moment you're busy doing any of these things,if he comes and hugs you tightly,you two might end up in a passionate kiss.'Attaining closure' is very important.Well,I've not been able to attain it yet,let me know if you ever can.I'll be all ears!And till then,please don't judge me for gaining a few kilos,thanks to all these roadside Biryanis,rolls,kebabs and LOADS and LOADS of chocolate because I really am having a bad week.