Saturday, 5 November 2011

Ultimate bliss...

And she walks on...
smashing the fallen leaves under her bare feet.She was too distracted to hear the slightly creaking sound it made.She has never been so indifferent! As far as she remembers,she loved to live.She looked forward to festivals-home-baked cakes in Christmas,red and white saris in Durga Pujo,bland turkey in Thanksgiving,irritating fire crackers in Diwali,the pungent onion-garlic aroma during Eid,the oranges and nolen gur sweets in the picnics they used to go for,every winter...Theirs was a family with traditions.Traditions of every kind.There were traditional traditions and the new ones.The ones the kids made when they were a little grown up-of getting drunk together,of smoking joints together,of putting themselves to sleep while trying to ignore the lovemaking noises from the adjacent room.No,it wasn't their parents,it was one of the siblings with his/her newly found love interest he/she decided to invite when their parents were out.Funny thing,family,she thought.She was the least rebellious of them all.And still,there she was,running away,from something she has always known like the back of her hands,for something she barely has any idea about.'The best time to be a parent is when your kids are young.The moment they start growing up,you keep losing them',she still remembers her mother saying.She also remembers what the Captain said,'this is not a time to consider your priorities.You're doing this for your family,for your neighbors' families,for your friends' families,for thousands of other families you don't know about but you care for.Your parents might not understand today but ten years from now,they'll be proud of you.' 'The Captain' wasn't his real name.They used a code name for every member.He just happened to get the coolest one because he was the oldest member.

She has never felt so liberated! Away from everything-every responsibility,every guilt pang,every disappointment,every misfortune,every happiness...She just felt numb.And old.And heavy.As if all the feelings were gone and all that remained was a chilling sense of fear.But she was oddly comfortable with it.She couldn't drag her feet any further.She sat on the mud.With no suede bag to worry about,no fancy shoes to be ruined...Just she and her soul.And the rains started right then.Washing her soul,washing every sin of hers away...Nirvana,was it?

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