One heart too many?

Right from the childhood,I've not been good at saying 'no'.I don't know why,I just can't bring myself to saying those two dreaded letters!And it gets tougher for me when it's a friend I'm talking about.My astro forecast on the 2nd of Jan,2011 said that I've 'ample romantic opportunities' this year but Kusum Bhandari failed to mention that it'd be an emotional turmoil for me rather than fun.Proposals kept coming in,one after another.It was easier saying a rude 'no' to strangers('Not friends' are basically strangers for me)but then things kept getting more personal.A long-lost friend came by and I almost ruined his relationship with his current girlfriend and then the weirdest thing happened.A friend I've known for years conveyed his feelings for me.It came out of nowhere.I used to pull his leg but I never thought he might have enjoyed it.In fact,I thought he always resented me.He was innocent,hopeful and naive.Looking at his face,burning bright with hope,with beads of excited sweat on it and saying the cruel word wasn't easy.I kept trying to avoid the topic but he won't let go.Sometimes I think it's just me.I've such a hypothetical concept set in my mind that nobody,absolutely nobody would fit it.Well-read,sensitive,understanding,intellectual...the list never ends.But the worst part is that I've had relationships like these.They didn't last long but it left its lingering taste in me.I know what I'm looking for.I know it exists.But the search is just taking too long.I also hate the way I'm losing grip over words.I feel dark circles all around my fingers and mostly,I feel tired.Almost as if I've said too much.Reminds me of one of those good ol' country English short stories with a lady in gloves,plaited skirt and stick,sitting by the window all day long...I feel old.And I feel I've not lived enough.And nothing makes me that happy any more.But there're exceptions.A beige blazer DOES lift my mood up,even if for a few hours.I had a lot of meaningful posts planned.But with exams round the corner,I just don't get much time.Maybe after 8th Jan,I'll do a post that'll be worth all the wait,and the delay.Till then,good for nothing posts with a few pictures it is.