CRY ME A RIVER

As much as I boast of my awesome childhood and how I learnt everything(except the study materials that is)before all my friends,how they used to treat me as one of those know-it-all mentors,how everybody used to be eager to know who I was dating more than the cricket match results...the truth is that I've largely been a shy,unpopular,overweight,badly-dressed underdog all my life.My friends couldn't care less about my personal life.Actually,to be honest,I had none.My parents had to work round the clock to get me to a decent school or buy me frocks worth 250 bucks.I never knew what a pizza was until I was ten.But I was always this Cindrella in my head,inventing stories and making everyone believe I had the life they couldn't even imagine.But during my moment of weakness,I used to hate myself and dread living a lie.That's how I developed this unique and really special bond with rain.It brought out the real me.I always felt it was like a holy shower washing all my sins away and comforting me at the same time,'Don't worry,child.You're a good person.Everything'll be allright.'My mom told me that raindrops were the tears of the sky.I always wondered why the sky should be sad in the first place.It can look down on everybody.What else can someone ask for?But then mom told me that the sky cried because it was lonely.She also said that if we don't keep our friends close to our heart or do not help people in need,one day we also will end up like the sky,lonely,abandoned and frustrated but nobody to share our sad stories with.Since then,I've tried not to be rude to people without any reason.I've tried to be there for my friends whenever they needed me.And thanks to her,in all these years,I've earned a reputation for being helpful if not anything else.But it never really did anything to put an end to the long,lonely journey I had begun on 2nd Jan,1990.That's why the rain has always been my best friend.It just made me feel so sad,yet so content.I never danced in the rain when I was a kid.I just sat there in the rain and looked at it until I was all drenched.My eyes used to hurt because of staring at the sky for so long.The raindrops used to feel like Rama's arrows on my skin.But the good thing was that not even my mom could tell the raindrops from my tears.It gave me a sense of purity.It made me strong.As if I've someone to confess everything to and I've been promised a fair trial in return of my honesty.It was scary too.I used to feel like someone was carefully,methodically peeling the layers of lie off me like peeling an onion.I felt naked.The clothes clung to my skin like a snake wanting to choke me in its embrace.I used to cry,cry some more and then came the ultimate feeling of release.I don't know if Budhdha felt the same after attaining 'Nirvana' but I guess he felt something close.Only his sins were far less than me(if he had any).So,it made him Budhdha.I sometimes fell asleep after this.I remember my mom shouting at me and dragging me to the bathroom to give me one more shower so that I don't catch a cold.Years later,my today's experience with the rain has changed a lot.There're few days when I'm at home before 8 p.m.So,rain mostly means annoying traffic jams,muddy streets,ruined shoes,saving my leather satchels,samosas and khichdi for me these days.But still,once in a while,when I sit by the window for an hour or so,the old memories keep coming back and I can see my life more clearly than ever.Yes,I've been ignored,exploited,betrayed,insulted,taken advantage of,dumped...But I've been no better either.I've done most of these things to other people too.I'm not proud of myself.But all said and done,my life is bigger than all these.I'm special in my own way.And I believe the same about the rest of you too.So,there's nothing to be sad about.It's never too late.You're never too old.Life always gives a second chance,and a third,and fourth...