Unequal Role Perceptions

I was fifteen when I had told a friend that I want to be a single mother because "I don't want to share my baby with anyone else." I told her that I felt my mom was capable of doing everything that my dad does if she wants to but my dad can't do the same. So, I can imagine her bringing me up on her own but the idea of growing up with only my father scares the shit out of me. I also admitted that I like boys but I'm not sure about sharing things I love with them(chocolates and books being my obvious choice back then). My friend was horrified and even though she didn't tell me, I'm sure she thanked God for not being my daughter. A decade has passed but the story remains the same everywhere.

                                                                                                                        I'm not a staunch feminist. In fact, I have chosen to call myself "not a feminist" for at least the past five years. So, the idea of some people perceiving women as weak, fragile and dependent doesn't annoy me, it amuses me. Yes, I have seen women who always need someone to fall back on but I know for sure that I can bloody well protect my child in this big, bad world and provide for them as long as I have a job and I'm physically fit.

                    On a related note, I was reading an article the other day about male rape victims finding it difficult to share their pain and seek medical help because being raped isn't "manly" and trying to carry on with their so called normal life despite the regular bleeding and the pus-covered anus. A little more research on the same topic made me throw up and cry. I kept wondering what purpose such skewed role definitions of our society served other than alienating people and breaking their hearts. Putting your wife through indirect mental torture because she earns more than you do is as bad as leaving your husband because he is a rape victim. Forcing your son to go for Cricket coaching instead of Odissi classes is as bad as not letting your daughter go to school. When would we accept human beings as human beings? I see so many brave, intelligent, powerful women wasting all their energy on the eternal I-can-do-it-better-than-you fight with men instead of trying to find out what it is that they are originally good at and focus on being the best at that instead of always trying to be better than someone. If one always strives to be as good as someone at something, the person would never be able to rise beyond that someone. I should aim to be my best. If I end up being better than a few people in the process, that's only an added bonus. Is it that hard to achieve? I dream of a society where sex would be just as menial an information as someone's blood group on a form which is meant to be used only in case of emergency. I dream of a society that welcomes both a masculine woman and an effeminate man with an open embrace. I dream of a society where I won't be judged for being a single mother and my son won't be called names if he finds my aanchal comforting even after the age of eighteen. I dream of a society where I'd be a human being first and then a woman.

Maxi dress- Emami Market, cuff and rings- New Market, silver kolhapuri- Shreeram Arcade, lipstick- Orange Punch by Colorbar

The wanderer's musings

The wind on my shoulder,
the aching muscles ponder,
was love a blunder?

After a hectic trip to Mumbai-Indore-Gandhidham-Mumbai, I'm back home! Home is where the heart is but home is also where my favourite phuchkawala resides. Home is where I can smell the festive spirits a little more with every passing day. Life is anything but what I had expected it to be. Getting paid is kinda cool but doing things that one hates to no end in order to get that money pretty much sucks. Meanwhile, I'm busy trying to remove the layers of charcoal from my skin, thanks to the purposeless plant visits and shopping for PUJO! The past one month hasn't been easy and hardships won't slow down before at least three more months. My body is close to giving up and I haven't been this sick in years! But I'm also trying to focus on whatever positives I happen to have in my life. And the memory of this day is one of those. And the theme Roaring 20s of course helped. Let the pictures do the rest of the talking while I cuddle up under the sheets with a book.

Maxi dress, kolhapuri- Emami, bag- New Market, neckpiece(worn as a headgear)- Chandrani Pearls

Picture and hair Courtesy- Anu

Breakup shorts and another blogger meet

I considered myself to be pretty much superstition-free for the first eighteen years of my life. But as soon as I turned nineteen, I found out that I wasn't superstitious for all these years simply because I didn't have an option to. I needed to wear the school uniform, eat the same food every day, go to the same place et cetera et cetera.but once I went to college, I suddenly started imagining that my exams won't go well if I didn't wear the same blue and white striped tee every day with the same pair of denims and wait for it, the same underwear too. Consider eight exams back to back in the heat of April. Let's observe thirteen seconds of silence for those who survived these semesters sitting around me.I think they were the happiest lot when we discovered that we had only four papers in the final semester. I also made sure I took the same bus every day, had the same fish spring roll from Monginis(it had to be second from the left) and sat at the same place for studying(I even refused to move if someone asked me to shift a little so that they could sit). Are you thankful that you didn't go to the same college with me? I thought so. So, moving on to my MBA, I got over this absurd dressing rule partly because I was growing up(feel free to replace the word 'up' with 'old', I really don't mind any more) but mostly because I was dating and there was high probability of any of my boyfriend(s) turning up to surprise me after my exam. Instead of feeling liberated, I was paranoid and tried to make up for it by having the same breakfast, waiting for the same rickshaw wala and metro no matter how long it took, sitting with the same crowd and not wearing a watch. Given the examples, I don't think you'd be surprised if I tell you that these are my breakup shorts and this is my breakup blouse. I've worn these twice(both of them together once and only the blouse another day) with a boyfriend and we broke up on that day, both the times. The most suspicious part? On both the days, we started the day in a great mood and were having one of our good days(relationship-wise) and hadn't fought in near past. Still, we broke up. Since then, I've decided to wear these only with my girlfriends because the best part about your girlfriends is that they never break up with you. I also suppose I could call these my breakup shoes since they have been there during both the breakups but I've had more than ten happy days with them. So, I'd assume I don't have a breakup shoe and thankfully, I was carrying different bags during different breakups and wearing different accessories too. So, I don't have a breakup bag or a bunch of breakup accessories either and I couldn't have been any happier about it!
                                             Now, if you are done explaining to your younger brother in great detail how education has failed to enlighten me in true sense, let's move on to the next part, shall we?
                                                                                                                                 To much chagrin of bloggers from other cities(if I dare say so), we Kolkata bloggers are a tightly knit community and with the kind of bonding that we have, we could jolly well have opened a sorority house or something equally pink. Of course with yours truly leaving for Mumbai in a month, it would remain a dream. Let me just wipe a tear or two. Yes. So, given the perfect hosts that we Kolkata bloggers are, no blogger from any other city leaves Kolkata without meeting a few of us, if not everyone. So, when this lovely beauty blogger Sheetal came to Kolkata for a visit, we all decided to meet her at Wise Owl-this nice little cafe near Golpark that is crowded and charming at the same time since they take ages to bring your food and therefore, you can sit for ages without any disturbance, other than the shouting of course. And thanks to the kind of gossip only we can imagine of, it was definitely an evening well-spent. Just spare my fat legs for a month or so. I promise to get back in shape. Soon.

Striped shorts, bag, spiked loafers, neckpiece-B.K.Market, shirt-Miss Chase, lipstick- Orange Punch from Colorbar

Picture Courtesy - Anu

I hope to start the Sisters of the Travelling Pajamas post that I couldn't stop gushing about by this month. Till then, take care and keep it stylish.
                                                   Much love,
                                                                   Soumi

Feelin' Lucky!

If something is meant to be, nothing can stop it from happening. Ever since my internship with TCS came to an end, I have been sad beyond words. Unitech is where my heart belongs. It's nothing more than a bunch of sky high buildings without any character but I've so many memories attached to this place that it's always going to be special for me. Looking at the overcast sky from my eighth floor cubicle, having tea at one of the roadside stalls(also known as 'jhoops'), being scared of stepping on the heap of cow dung that can be seen just about anywhere, going down and having bad phuchka, momos with what looked like a worm in the sauce, chewy and at times even wet bhutta, lassi with dust particles inside...memories were aplenty. And it was always, always about the people associated with the memories. The company I have been recruited for would never have an office in Unitech. So, chances of returning to my favourite place didn't look that bright. But as fate would have it, another internship landed in college. Until the interview, I didn't even know this was Unitech Cognizant. Couldn't stop thanking my stars when I found out finally! So, life should be pretty much close to perfection soon. Meanwhile, my favourite host took the responsibility of watching my calorie intake(the other way round) one fine afternoon when we girls dropped by her den. I've been obsessing over pastels for a while now. So, you are going to see a lot of pinks and peaches on ze blog in the coming days. And another piece of advice- if you already haven't tried the gajar ka halwa icecream at Scoop, please run. It's one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences.

Dress-B.K.Market,neckpiece-gifted,rings-New Market,shoes-Simpark Mall

With Anu,Nikita and Johanne

Boredom of Sanity

And just like that, the first month of 2014 is gone. I have had a more or less normal month. I have full attendance in college, I haven't missed gym or morning newspaper on a single day, I have cooked myself quite a few edible meals and of course, I have successfully submitted my project. I have also started writing quite a bit in Bengali and there's something very, very comforting about expressing oneself in their mother tongue. It not only liberates the closeted soul but also makes one see themselves more clearly. I'd always be indebted to  the one who got me into it. I was scared at first, I'd admit but owning up to the fear has been worth it. Apart from that, this absolute stillness in my life drives me crazy at times. There is no ripple, no chaos, no purpose. For someone as eccentric as yours truly, it's not the best way to let her creative juices flowing. In my profession, public image goes a long way and I have realised it the hard way. I'm still not puritan enough to untag myself from pictures that have me posing with a drink in my hand but I have definitely started editing my public persona. It's not an exercise I have been entirely fond of but it has worked for me. It hasn't given me peace of mind but it has definitely helped me fake it. There are still moments when I wake up with a few droplet of tears or I want to scream at the silence of the cold night or I want to run away to the horizon where the sun meets the ground and never come back but mostly, I'm older and wiser.
                                                                                                                                            I haven't had a very good feeling about 2014 and it hasn't disappointed me. Things haven't really gone well on the personal front and they show no signs of improving. The brighter part is, the halogen lights still fill me up with unfathomable pain and unbearable hope at the same time. I still dream every night. I still have a few beliefs to hold on to and no matter how difficult life gets, I don't see them dying very soon. I don't flinch my eyes at flickering bulbs. And I can still walk an extra mile for the sake of my dreams.
                                                                                                                 I had promised you the Adrenalize outfit post long back. The chill had put me in hibernating mode but now that the chill looks all set to leave with Saraswati Pujo coming up, it's time to get those pictures out of the archive and put them up on ze blog!

Maxi dress-Emami,blazer-tailor-made,ring-New Market,pearl earring and bracelet,pink and orange bracelet-gifted,sling-B.K.Market,gladiator-Metro Plaza

Because of lack of planning, Kolkata Literary Meet couldn't happen but I should be able to visit Book Fair if things don't go horribly wrong. So, will be back with the musings of the bookworm. Till then, take care and keep it stylish.
                    Love,
                    Soumi

Adrenalize 2014-an evening of all things pretty!

If you have been following this space for a while, you'd know that Adrenalize is an event I personally look forward to. Not only because it chooses one of Kolkata's oldest and most sophisticated clubs as the venue but also because it tries to give the guests an one stop solution for all things fun. And an event like this in the Winter is just what the doctor ordered for the party animals.
                                                                                        This time, because of unavoidable circumstances, the only ones who made it to the party were Deepa and yours truly. We reached a little late but just in time to be a part of the super fun grape stomping session(which was a favourite with both of us last year too). With a bottle of Four Seasons Sauvignon Blanc at our disposal, we joined in the merry making. And then DJ Happy brought all the guests to their feet with his peppy numbers. Deepa and I danced our heart out. Even in that chilly weather, I needed to put my blazer away. Dinner was served after a while. I must say the food was better than last time. They decided to skip Indian altogether and the Bar-B-Q in this weather just perfectly complemented the lovely wines. We even went back to the dance floor for the last song of the night. Post a lot of eating,drinking and dancing, the icing on the cake was making a Girls' Night out of it. So, both of us went back to my place, chatted for hours about everything under the sun and then fell asleep without even knowing. The brownie point? Since the party got over early, my mom was happy to see me back in time too. She was like, "why can't you only go to parties like these?" *Rolling Eyes*
                                                                                                                           So, even though we missed the treasure hunt because of getting late, we DID have a very good time indeed, all thanks to Four Seasons!

All decked up

Eat, drink and make merry...

Dancing the night away!

We ended up wearing the same colour without even planning!

Spirits soaring, for obvious reasons!

Owning'em up!

The pros at grape stomping

Trying my hand, er, legs at it

And finally, the poser in me!
Picture Credits- Deepa

I'll be back with the details of what I wore to the event. Till then, make the best out of this festive season and pray so that the chill stays here for a while. Signing off,
                                                                               Soumi

Looking back at 2013...

So,another year is about to end and I can already hear the b'day bells ringing! But more on that later. First and foremost, as a responsible and self-righteous blogger(and I say it with a straight face), my duty is to produce an ode to 2013 cum a New Year resolution post before it's, well, too late.
                                                                                                                           2013 has been a year of extremes, both good and bad. I gained my first exposure as far as the Corporate life is concerned and if my time in TCS is anything to go by, well, I can't wait to start working(of course you know I have a job now,don't you?)! I fell in love, after years and was fortunate enough to be loved back. I had my heart broken and learnt to live with it, happily. I rediscovered myself, met the person who holds the missing pieces of the puzzle of my life. We have known each other for long but never chose to explore just how much we have in common. But guess life had it planned after all. We met because we had to. He found out his insanity in me, like he says and I found my stability. Since then, he has been there like an angel- blessing me all the time and I've never been lost again. And this miracle led me to believe in a superior power, if not God. I lost a lot of close friends this year, grew distant with the rest but also gained such profound meanings of every relationship that I was hardly in a position to complain. Life has been difficult,full of challenges but seldom have I come out of a crisis so strong! Self-loathing used to be the emotion that defined me. I guess pride is slowly finding its way in.
                                  And now, with the New Year already knocking on my door, I have got to make myself a few promises. I don't believe in any New Year resolutions as such but one needs to be focused while ushering into the New Year. So,this year, I promise to try and fulfill the following-

• After a long time, I have started believing in love, magic and everything else that the Fairy Tales had taught us. Being a cynic might make one feel intellectually superior but optimism takes one farther. So, I choose to believe in all the stupid good things that we thought never really existed and give life a try.
• I haven't been the best daughter all my life. Even though I loved my parents in my own way, I have been an out-and-out rebel. Since I'm getting older now(yes,turning 24 DOES make me feel aged, in a good way), I have started to appreciate everything that my parents have done for me ever since I was born and even though I don't know how long it'd take(given my salary and other constraints),I'd try to make my parents happy in whatever way possible-maybe a small meal or a meaningful conversation...the choices are aplenty.
• I've spent a considerable number of years hating people, feeling miserable and thinking about getting even. But the joy of forgiving is not a cliche. It really makes the sun shine brighter and the birds sing sweeter. I have already forgiven most of the people I had held any grudge against but I'm going to forgive more and let go of all my pain in the process. Everyone is worth loving. Everyone deserves forgiveness.

And now, the usual ones that you'd be able to see coming if you know me a little-

• Read more.
• Shop wisely.
• Wait for love.
• Eat carefully.
• Value the real friends.
• Write less frequently but with more heart.
• Don't miss gym.
• Drink responsibly.
• Discover the small pleasures of life- a Sunday walk, a book finished in Starmark, piping hot momos, ginger tea, curling up inside the blanket, an early morning or late night phone call from the one who matters.
• Learn to avoid regrets.
• Save enough money to enroll for a proper French course.
• And of course, MOST IMPORTANTLY,dance more.

And now, the pictures from the street food adda with my sunshine girls! If you live in Kolkata and haven't been to Jhaal Farezi, let me tell you that it's an absolutely must visit- for the reasonable price, the ambiance, the decor, the courteous staff, the live music and what not! It's absolutely worth the journey to Park Circus and the fact that one can just hang around for hours with a cup of green tea definitely earns brownie points from me. Also, I think I'm going to dedicate an entire post to maxis and how they have made life a lot more fun and lot less stressful for the mankind.

Maxi dress-Sudder Street,heart print shirt,ring-B.K.Market,shoes-Simpark Mall,clutch-borrowed

If there's one thing that I'm good at, that is having a cup of green tea and posing with everyone else's drinks! *Wink*

With my girls Anu and Sayantani

Well, bidding 2013 adieu would undoubtedly be sad but then again, the old has to make way for the new. In other words, how else would my b'day come? *Happy Dance*
So,while I'm busy cutting my cake, all of you have a good New Years' Eve and like I always say, never give up on Fashion. Much love,
                                       Soumi.