Unequal Role Perceptions

I was fifteen when I had told a friend that I want to be a single mother because "I don't want to share my baby with anyone else." I told her that I felt my mom was capable of doing everything that my dad does if she wants to but my dad can't do the same. So, I can imagine her bringing me up on her own but the idea of growing up with only my father scares the shit out of me. I also admitted that I like boys but I'm not sure about sharing things I love with them(chocolates and books being my obvious choice back then). My friend was horrified and even though she didn't tell me, I'm sure she thanked God for not being my daughter. A decade has passed but the story remains the same everywhere.

                                                                                                                        I'm not a staunch feminist. In fact, I have chosen to call myself "not a feminist" for at least the past five years. So, the idea of some people perceiving women as weak, fragile and dependent doesn't annoy me, it amuses me. Yes, I have seen women who always need someone to fall back on but I know for sure that I can bloody well protect my child in this big, bad world and provide for them as long as I have a job and I'm physically fit.

                    On a related note, I was reading an article the other day about male rape victims finding it difficult to share their pain and seek medical help because being raped isn't "manly" and trying to carry on with their so called normal life despite the regular bleeding and the pus-covered anus. A little more research on the same topic made me throw up and cry. I kept wondering what purpose such skewed role definitions of our society served other than alienating people and breaking their hearts. Putting your wife through indirect mental torture because she earns more than you do is as bad as leaving your husband because he is a rape victim. Forcing your son to go for Cricket coaching instead of Odissi classes is as bad as not letting your daughter go to school. When would we accept human beings as human beings? I see so many brave, intelligent, powerful women wasting all their energy on the eternal I-can-do-it-better-than-you fight with men instead of trying to find out what it is that they are originally good at and focus on being the best at that instead of always trying to be better than someone. If one always strives to be as good as someone at something, the person would never be able to rise beyond that someone. I should aim to be my best. If I end up being better than a few people in the process, that's only an added bonus. Is it that hard to achieve? I dream of a society where sex would be just as menial an information as someone's blood group on a form which is meant to be used only in case of emergency. I dream of a society that welcomes both a masculine woman and an effeminate man with an open embrace. I dream of a society where I won't be judged for being a single mother and my son won't be called names if he finds my aanchal comforting even after the age of eighteen. I dream of a society where I'd be a human being first and then a woman.

Maxi dress- Emami Market, cuff and rings- New Market, silver kolhapuri- Shreeram Arcade, lipstick- Orange Punch by Colorbar

The Happiness Page

After surviving the continuous "Happiness is" followed by the particular activity the writer is involved in at that moment/the person they happen to be with at that time posts and #100HappyDays hashtag all over the Social Media, I thought it was time to delve deep inside and look for a definition that has always worked for me. So, here I am, writing about something many think I don't know at all-happiness!
                                                                                                                       Now, the tricky part about happiness is that it has no single definition, or so I found. It varies from person to person, situation to situation;it even depends on the changes in the constraints to attaining happiness. My dida blesses everyone placing her right palm on their head, closing her eyes and muttering an intelligible 'bhalo theko' as if being happy is always that simple. But if one gives it a serious thought, it's not farther from truth either. Music makes someone happy, books make some others happy. Some are happy taking their dogs out for a walk while some are happy just gulping a dozen of cupcakes down. However, in most of my observations, I found love to be a constant driver behind happiness. At times, it's so intense and passionate that we can see only the pain behind it, not the happiness. But it's always there, in some form or the other. Another imperative would be pain itself. A very popular saying goes that one doesn't understand the significance of light until they see darkness very closely. Likewise, until and unless one feels pain, owns up to it, absorbs it all and then gathers the courage to smile again, one hasn't known true happiness. The journey through pain prepares one for the light ahead, teaches them to appreciate it. As for myself, I've seen pain pretty closely, both physically as well as mentally. I've loved it with all I had. But if I'm asked to choose between silent tears on my pillow and a warm smile in his embrace, I know what my choice would be. Do you know yours?

Blouse-Metro Plaza, floral pants-B.K.Market, shoes-Simpark Mall, neckpiece-gifted, cuff and ring-New Market