Friday, 31 January 2014

Boredom of Sanity

And just like that, the first month of 2014 is gone. I have had a more or less normal month. I have full attendance in college, I haven't missed gym or morning newspaper on a single day, I have cooked myself quite a few edible meals and of course, I have successfully submitted my project. I have also started writing quite a bit in Bengali and there's something very, very comforting about expressing oneself in their mother tongue. It not only liberates the closeted soul but also makes one see themselves more clearly. I'd always be indebted to  the one who got me into it. I was scared at first, I'd admit but owning up to the fear has been worth it. Apart from that, this absolute stillness in my life drives me crazy at times. There is no ripple, no chaos, no purpose. For someone as eccentric as yours truly, it's not the best way to let her creative juices flowing. In my profession, public image goes a long way and I have realised it the hard way. I'm still not puritan enough to untag myself from pictures that have me posing with a drink in my hand but I have definitely started editing my public persona. It's not an exercise I have been entirely fond of but it has worked for me. It hasn't given me peace of mind but it has definitely helped me fake it. There are still moments when I wake up with a few droplet of tears or I want to scream at the silence of the cold night or I want to run away to the horizon where the sun meets the ground and never come back but mostly, I'm older and wiser.
                                                                                                                                            I haven't had a very good feeling about 2014 and it hasn't disappointed me. Things haven't really gone well on the personal front and they show no signs of improving. The brighter part is, the halogen lights still fill me up with unfathomable pain and unbearable hope at the same time. I still dream every night. I still have a few beliefs to hold on to and no matter how difficult life gets, I don't see them dying very soon. I don't flinch my eyes at flickering bulbs. And I can still walk an extra mile for the sake of my dreams.
                                                                                                                 I had promised you the Adrenalize outfit post long back. The chill had put me in hibernating mode but now that the chill looks all set to leave with Saraswati Pujo coming up, it's time to get those pictures out of the archive and put them up on ze blog!






Maxi dress-Emami,blazer-tailor-made,ring-New Market,pearl earring and bracelet,pink and orange bracelet-gifted,sling-B.K.Market,gladiator-Metro Plaza
Because of lack of planning, Kolkata Literary Meet couldn't happen but I should be able to visit Book Fair if things don't go horribly wrong. So, will be back with the musings of the bookworm. Till then, take care and keep it stylish.
                    Love,
                    Soumi

4 comments:

  1. N we love you..awesome piece again...from drenchin in d silence f night to the effort to come out as a different person. ..jus so relatable. .n ohh ur tangy maxi dress #love #kiprockin :)

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  2. dear, you always make me remember the younger me..wish i could have been more expressive as you are...lots of love and good wishes...im sure 2014 would not disappointing you :)

    http://www.myunfinishedlife.com

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  3. Have some positive vibes lady.
    And, guess what? Not writing but I am learning to speak Bengali (much required).
    P.S: You have a beautiful smile. Keep smiling and things will be fine.

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  4. They say that when you're at the bottom it can only get better. Only problem is you never know how deep it goes.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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