Dreams born out of fear...

I'm a firm believer of dreams. Dreams, if believed in and strived for, do come true. Even with the excessive exposure to television and video games these days, I'd like to pass on the pure, unadulterated gift of dreaming to my next generation. But do we ever wonder how our dreams are born? Do we dream of becoming someone or doing something because we really want what we dream or because we are scared of becoming someone else or doing something else that we loathe? I found out the origin of my dreams and it didn't turn out to be delightful. If there's one thing that I've wanted since time immemorial, it would be independence. Independence didn't mean only being financially independent. I always dreamt of being empowered enough to take my own decisions and own up my failures. Whoever saw me as a child still talks about how my games were always about going to work carrying my mother's "vanity bag", teaching, treating patients, refusing to get married and spend my life doing household chores...However, on further introspection, I realised how this idea of independence appealed to me simply because I didn't want to end up being like my grandmothers - asking for money from their husbands for every need, quietly accepting the humiliation of being explained how hard earned money should be spent if their husbands don't consider the expenses justified, not being able to speak out if they don't want to get pregnant any more, not being strong enough to walk out of a toxic marriage, putting up with abusive fathers for years...I didn't have a very coherent idea about being independent. All I knew was that I didn't want to grow up to be one of them.

Set Theory in Mathematics explains a beautiful concept called Complement Set using Venn Diagram. If all Sets are considered as Subsets of a Universal Set U, the Complement of a Set A would be U\A which includes everything under the sun other than A. My attempt to escape the life my grandmothers have had has forced me to become everything other than what they were even if I didn't originally have the taste for some of the things I have done during this attempt.

The sudden and painful realisation of not having an original dream of my own, independent of others' influences hit me hard. Would I be a robot without dreams if the persons playing an incidental role in forming my dreams simply cease to exist?

Pants, jacket, midi rings, loafers - Linking Road, thrifted tank top - B.K.Market, lipstick - Red Plum by Colorbar

Memories unsold, stories untold...

In the flinching light, I saw.
I saw traces of memories
from last night,
unpenetrated by the harshness
of morning reality,
strewn about the floor
like virgin jasmines.

Maxi Dress - Sudder Street, cuff - New Market, neckpiece - Linking Road, shirt - Nuon, lipstick - Passionate by Colorbar

It's an understatement to call this maxi my go to piece of clothing. Bought from a random shop in Sudder Street during a lazy afternoon walk with a friend on a marijuana hunt for some 250 bucks, I have worn this maxi at least thrice in the past two years on the blog itself! Same goes for the cuff that has been my staple accessory for the past four years. And even though the neckpiece is no more alive, thanks to a wild encounter one Saturday night, it has served me well for the past six months.

I'll be back with my 'oh how I miss Kolkata winter' posts but till then, take care and like I always say, keep it stylish.
P.S. If you are travelling from Kolkata to Mumbai any time before February, you can also get me some nolen gur. *Wink*

Inspiration - Muse-ment...

Oh, happiness is not what I seek.
Give me the saddening Summer creak.
And the Autumn sand.
Also, the contraband
of wars going on inside
where despite my best efforts
the devil wins bona fide.

When I pass by
your place while
being on the sly;
for me, shed a tear
or two as I welcome
like a tired child, my fear
and look it in its eye,
resigned yet calm,
kissing our dreams goodbye.


After almost a year long phase of being able to imagine only in Bengali, inspiration happened quite by chance. Dreaming, imagining and writing only in Bengali was extremely satisfying but among other things, Bengalis are also famous for being "truly bilingual". As one of my favourite authors Kunal Basu puts it, "...Because we, the Bengali intelligentsia...are this rare species on earth that is truly bilingual...Bilingualism doesn't mean being able to read street signs or being able to read newspapers in two languages. It means having two streams flow inside our consciousness. And being able to dip into one stream without abandoning the other. The educated Bengali actually had their toes dipped in both these streams. They read Samar Sen with a passion which was no less than the passion with which they read Sylvia Plath." So, being the true Bengali that I'm, not being able to pen down my thoughts in a few coherent English lines was painful and I was elated when inspiration came in the most unusual form - a few lines scribbled by fellow blogger Kshipra! And there it goes! My creative block(in English)coming to a pleasant end. And in order to celebrate it, I took the new cape out for a spin. Mixing prints is an absolute personal favourite while monochrome and stripes happen to be my ultimate solution to any fashion crisis. And that's how this outfit was born.

Shorts- B.K.Market, shirt- Colaba Causeway, cape- Myntra, brogues- Simpark Mall, lipstick- MAT4 Bold Matte by Maybelline

I'll be back with my Summer staple- maxis and a painful journey I keep fantasising about. Till then, take care and like I always say, keep it stylish.

The City of Dreams

You know how some people say the entire concept of a place having its own distinct vibe is overrated? Well, let me tell you they are ABSOLUTELY WRONG and I'm a living example of that. If you are a regular reader or connected to me on social media, you'd know about the slow and dangerous depression that started taking over my life ever since I had moved to Indore. I tried embracing the place- exaggerating the quality of dahi at 'Joshi ke dahi vada' and extending the time in the gym but with its not-so-charming small town vibe, closed people living in an age where women are supposed to do all the household chores and keep quiet if they are harassed on the streets, banners and hoardings urging people to quit drinking and eating non-veg or be hanged if the non-veg happens to be beef...Indore just never worked out. I was slowly turning into a person I didn't know- introvert, pessimistic, cynical, irritable and snappy. I also kept falling sick often and the experience of going to a doctor and describing my problem in Indore had been so bad for me that I preferred gulping medicines down day in and day out and stay indoors instead.
                                                                                                As they say, after every dark phase, there is a silver lining. In my case, it was an intimation from the Management regarding my temporary posting in the Mumbai office. Even though I was still recovering, I was elated and couldn't wait to leave! And then came the much-awaited day when I could finally say goodbye to Indore even if for a few months. I woke up the next morning, somewhere near Sion, already feeling the infectious positivism I find Mumbai synonymous with. I could already smell the fish and seafood, see the bustling vada pav stalls, feel the sand and water under my feet, hear the Colaba hawkers calling out to me in my mind. The City of Dreams represents the undying, indomitable spirit of life to me. People do everything they can here to earn themselves a livelihood. And despite poverty, inflation and all other common problems(other than safety of women) Mumbai shares with the other Indian cities, the people in Mumbai just refuse to let these get to them and make them unhappy. Every person has different sides to their personality and each place uncovers one of these. I'm no exception either. The moment I arrived in Mumbai, gone were the depression, the urge to lock myself in a room and cry for hours, the withdrawal symptoms and everything else I had been struggling with. When I ordered my first vada pav in two months at a roadside stall near Chandivali, I was a happy soul and it hasn't changed since then. Small, small things make me happy in this city- a long walk all alone post 11 p.m. without the fear of getting groped, watching people rushing about in one of the local railway stations during the peak hours, looking at the street lights and the cars whooshing past them when I wake up after a rare nightmare(traces of Indore I'm slowly and methodically getting rid of), the city talking to me when I stick my head out of the auto to embrace the fresh morning air on my way to gym early in the morning, the vada pav wala near LnT crossing who never forgets to make my vada pav with extra green chutney and no sweet chutney...and all I feel coming out of my heart is gratitude. Gratitude towards life for giving me a chance to be happy again, to get my dreams back in exchange for the nightmares I had been dealing with for the past few months, to live...
                                                                                                                                         And since this city has healed me so soon and so perfectly, here goes an outfit as a tribute to my second favourite city(Kolkata would be Kolkata and hence, my favourite city always, no matter what)-

DIY distressed denims and crop top- Jabong, satchel bag, ring and spiked loafers- B.K.Market, waistcoat- Colaba Causeway, shades- Myntra, lipstick- Orange Punch by Colorbar

Ever since Debi distressed this pair of denims for me, I find myself reaching for it at least once every week. And since my love for layering refuses to die even in the humid Mumbai weather, the waistcoat had to find its way with the crop top. The serene beach, the wind in my hair and the sand under my feet took care of the rest. I'll be back with more florals, pastels and everything girlie and meanwhile, you take care and like I always say, keep it stylish.                                                                               

Angry Lover's Valentines' Day Look

With my Valentines' Day gone as unceremoniously as every year, my sincere apologies for not painting ze blog with all the red and pink fest most of the fellow bloggers have indulged into. I'm not much of a believer in this 'Day' culture whether it's Indian or Western. However, when Dailylook asked me to be a part of their ' Style your own LBD Look' initiative, I couldn't help lusting over their gorgeous collection to put up my LBD Look.
                                                                                                  Now, LBD or Little Black Dress is a must in every girl's wardrobe. Some prefer to go the feminine route with soft makeup and dreamy curls. Some prefer to go bold with red lips and some prefer to neon it up with a pop. I, however, chose to design what I call an Angry Lover's Valentines' Day Look. The fuss-free LBD with its edgy leather feel and pockets, the fringe purse and the intricate oxford make for a 'I am too tough to be broken by the heartache you caused me' vibe. The blingy blazer scream out 'I am perfectly capable of having a life of my own' and the oh-so-in marsala lips make for a bold statement without going the mainstream red way. The gun metal ring set and spiked earcuff add to the 'Do not mess with me' feel. This is an outfit I consider perfect for all those strong, independent women who have been struck in the face but refused to back down, those who have been left scarred again and again but never shattered. This is women power at its fashionable best!
                              So, what are you waiting for? Go shop this look here or put your favourite outfit together from here! Trust me not to exaggerate when I say you'd be spoilt for choices.

Angry Lover's Valentines' Day Look

I'll be back with bestie's wedding shenanigans and more. Till then, take care and like I always say, keep it stylish.

Winter Lookbook-2015

Winter happens to be my favourite season for more reasons than one. And for a layering lover like me, it's the ideal time to dress up. Even though I haven't been my dressy best this Winter, thanks to the work pressure and lack of occasions to dress up for, the collaboration with ebay made me go through my archive and these are the three Winter outfits from 2014 I chose for the Lookbook-
                                                     Girls' Day Out

Sheer shirt- Nuon, black peplum- thrifted, floral pants- B.K.Market, Jacket- Talking Threads, Metro Plaza, oxfords- Simpark Mall, beanie- local market in Gangtok, aviators and stacked up bracelets- borrowed from Anu, lipstick- Passionate by Colorbar
Picture Credits- Anu

I wore this outfit on a day trip to north Sikkim with two of my best friends. The abundance of grey and black in this outfit has been balanced with the happy pink and I chose to layer with my accessories too, thank God for friends who don't believe in travelling light. *Wink* This outfit is appropriate for a day look when the mercury has dipped significantly.

                                                     L(o)unge Forward

Palazzo, denim button down and metallic ring- borrowed from Anu, lace booties- B.K.Market, lipstick- Orange Punch by Colorbar
Picture Credits- Anu

This outfit is perfect for one of those less chilly evenings you want to go clubbing. The warm palazzos and the button down with a tank thrown inside take care of the nip in the air. The metallic ring gives you the edge and the happy yellow well, makes you happy!

                                                  All That Glitters Is Gold

Skirt, belt, pumps- B.K.Market, striped shirt, midi rings- Colaba, bag, red jacket, tights- New Market, pearl earrings- Chandrani Pearls, lipstick- MAT4 Bold Matte by Maybelline

This look is for your glam evening in Winter. I've been digging monochrome and metallic hues for quite some time now. Stripes happen to be my another favourite. The striped shirt added a little drama to the otherwise boring black skirt-shirt-tights look and the hint of gold in the midi rings and the pumps balanced it perfectly. A glam evening is synonymous with red lips.  But you could go adventurous with oxblood lips too.

2015 promises to be an exciting year for ze blog with a lot of travelling and collaborations coming up. Meanwhile, go take a look at the Fashion Blog of ebay because I can't seem to have enough of it! Also, the new year collection is live on ebay! Go shop to your heart's content before someone else buys that piece that you have been eyeing forever on a super discounted price! I'll be back with Indore Diaries and more. Till then, take care and like I always say, keep it stylish.

Rebel turned disciplined?

All my life, I have been a rebel. The art of discipline never appealed to me. I always enjoyed breaking rules instead of obeying them. Therefore, all my friends thought I had gone mad when I told them about my disciplined lifestyle these days. And my family was pleasantly surprised.
                                                                                                         One of my closest and most special friends had told me something long back that I couldn't appreciate fully. He said everything(or most of the things at least) holds their charm only when they are forbidden. Once the ban is lifted, one would hardly crave it. According to him, the key to the success in relationships lies in this simple fact. As long as couples can come up with ideas that make their relationship feel forbidden and illegitimate(and adventurous), the fun would be there. The moment both the persons know that they are supposed to be together and they love each other and nothing can separate them, they'd have no passion left and it'd be the death of the relationship(feel free to draw parallels with 'Death of poet' in this context).
               I've mixed feelings to his theory for various reasons best left unsaid. However, if I apply this same logic to my lifestyle, it perfectly explains my painstakingly disciplined lifestyle these days. Back in my childhood, rules were all I was taught to adhere to. There was a rule for everything-when to wake up, what to have for breakfast, what to wear, who to play with, when to do my homework, when to watch TV, what all channels to watch, how long to talk over phone...and of course when to start dating and how far to go with the boyfriends. In the presence(and enforcement) of so many rules, all I wanted to do was rebel. But as I started growing up, my otherwise rigid parents(to my relief and surprise), started loosening their grip and I got to do exactly what I wanted. I believe it was partially because of the regular fights at home and partially because of my mom's belief that teenagers adopt the right values if they are given freedom in small doses. Nonetheless, the result was delightful. All throughout my student life, most of my friends were envious of the freedom I got from home. "No curfew hours?","Your mom knows that you drink?","Your parents would let you go on a trip with your friends?","You talk to your boyfriends in front of your parents?","Your parents allowed you to move out?" were some of the very few questions I used to be bombarded with by the zealously protected rich kids in class.
                                                      To be honest, I had my fair share of fun. Despite financial constraints, the kind of liberating experiences that I've had in my age would be rare to come by, I dare say. However, after ten years of no rules, being a rebel didn't seem to be as glamorous as it had when I was a kid. I secretly wished my parents made angry calls every time I was staying out late instead of a somewhat worried but supportive "it's okay, take your time, come safe". I found myself feeling guilty and irritated at the same time when everyone in class was scolded for performing poorly in the exam while my parents said nothing. I wanted to be the good old protected child again. Life seemed to be so much easier when someone else makes the rules for you!
                                  But, one can't have the best of both the worlds. And since my parents weren't about to turn into overprotective monsters overnight, I decided to make rules for myself. I got the first taste of a disciplined lifestyle while I was doing my first internship. I used to wake up at 5 a.m., make my pre-workout meal and lunch, workout for an hour or so, come home and make my breakfast, catch the 8:50 Volvo, read the morning newspaper on my way to work, work till at least 8 p.m., come home back and make my dinner, watch TV while having dinner, put my facepack on and go to bed. I went out with friends during weekends but I didn't drink or eat out more than once in a month. I also made it a point to note down one stimulating thought every month. I continued this lifestyle during my next internship despite going through a very emotionally difficult time. And I'm back to the same lifestyle now that I'm working(the only concession being a maid for making the dinner, thanks to the salary at the end of the month). And I can't tell you how satisfied and rejuvenated it leaves me! There's a certain feel good factor associated with sticking to a routine and it helps me fight all the frustration in my personal life. There are days when I don't cry just because I'm supposed to be arranging my fresh clothes from laundry at that point of time as per my routine. And pushing the tears away for the sake of something more important makes them go away at least for the day and I couldn't have been more thankful for that!
                                                             Speaking of being thankful, I wish there were a single person to thank for the emergence of maxi dresses and skirts. They are an absolute life-saver and I absolutely can't do without them! They are chic, comfortable and super stylish! What more could a girl ask for? Yes, a phaatugraphaar to capture them in their maxi-mum glory but then, I have even that! I truly am a lucky girl!

Maxi skirt- Jabong, dress(worn as a blouse)-B.K.Market, gladiators- Metro Plaza, cuff- New Market, rings- B.K.Market and Park Street, sling- Simpark Mall

Where art thou, my Valentine?

With the blog-o-sphere full of Valentines' Day posts and red, pink and white cute somethings and gift ideas and mushy rumblings, can yours truly be far behind? But given my obsession with pain, you won't be disappointed if you are expecting something other than a lovey-dovey post here. Yes, love  is magical. I don't deny that. I'd never deny that. I've been in love. I've seen how colorful and happy the mundane things look when you are in love. I know exactly how one blushes after breaking into a sheepish grin in the middle of a class, thanks to a stupid piece of happy memory. I know how perfect it feels to wake up next to your loved one and see the sun rays playing on the curtain behind their head.
                                                                                                      But, contrary to what Acrhies and its cousins would have us believe, Valentines' Day is as much about the pain and heartbreak that come along with love as the happiness and bliss. As many of you might know,the origin of this day lies in the popular story that Saint Valentine of Rome was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were not allowed to marry. Before his execution, he wrote a letter to the daughter of his jailer and signed it "Your Valentine" as a farewell. Does this heart-wrenching story actually encourage the roses-chocolates-teddies-candles-waltz extravaganza we indulge into every year on this very day? Shouldn't it rather be a day when we remember all those fated lovers who struggled all their life to be together and either died in the process or achieved success only when they were too tired to relish it? Shouldn't we thank God on this very day for being lucky enough to be with our love so easily? Shouldn't we be thankful that the ones we fell in love with loved us back? Shouldn't we be thankful that we were allowed by the rest of the world to fall in love? Shouldn't we be thankful that our dreams came true when we were young enough to feel the ecstasy it brought forth? And shouldn't we shed a tear or two for those who didn't turn out to be as lucky as we were? This deprived set is a lot bigger than we think- the in-numerous number of people who fall in love with people of same sex, married people, people from different castes, religions, race, creed, country? In short, the ones whose love stories don't have a certain ending like that of ours. Don't these less fortunate ones deserve a little more than our sarcastic comments or judgmental glances?
          So, this Valentines' Day, walk up to the person you made fun of the other day- be it a beggar who claimed to be a millionaire before his wife died and his daughter-in-law threw him out, a friend with a forbidden love life or the daughter of the domestic help who had a love child. One kind word costs nothing. One hug would leave you warmer and lighter. One prayer won't bite into your quota of happiness. You make someone's day, their smile and blessings would make yours automatically. Because happiness is a privilege and this is the only way of thanking the superior power for blessing you with a bunch of it.
                                                                                        The pictures are the leftovers from the Look Book-2013 of Howrah Bridge that created quite a stir on the social media. I don't look conventionally pretty, thanks to the oiled hair, no makeup, acne, blackheads and the sun but some pictures are all about their nostalgic value. Besides, looking pretty was never a part of the checklist. Remember the blog introduction?

Palazzo-B.K.Market, white shirt-New Market,hat and ring-borrowed from Anu,bow tie and jacket-Howrah Bridge
Styling, picture and location courtesy- Anu

Boredom of Sanity

And just like that, the first month of 2014 is gone. I have had a more or less normal month. I have full attendance in college, I haven't missed gym or morning newspaper on a single day, I have cooked myself quite a few edible meals and of course, I have successfully submitted my project. I have also started writing quite a bit in Bengali and there's something very, very comforting about expressing oneself in their mother tongue. It not only liberates the closeted soul but also makes one see themselves more clearly. I'd always be indebted to  the one who got me into it. I was scared at first, I'd admit but owning up to the fear has been worth it. Apart from that, this absolute stillness in my life drives me crazy at times. There is no ripple, no chaos, no purpose. For someone as eccentric as yours truly, it's not the best way to let her creative juices flowing. In my profession, public image goes a long way and I have realised it the hard way. I'm still not puritan enough to untag myself from pictures that have me posing with a drink in my hand but I have definitely started editing my public persona. It's not an exercise I have been entirely fond of but it has worked for me. It hasn't given me peace of mind but it has definitely helped me fake it. There are still moments when I wake up with a few droplet of tears or I want to scream at the silence of the cold night or I want to run away to the horizon where the sun meets the ground and never come back but mostly, I'm older and wiser.
                                                                                                                                            I haven't had a very good feeling about 2014 and it hasn't disappointed me. Things haven't really gone well on the personal front and they show no signs of improving. The brighter part is, the halogen lights still fill me up with unfathomable pain and unbearable hope at the same time. I still dream every night. I still have a few beliefs to hold on to and no matter how difficult life gets, I don't see them dying very soon. I don't flinch my eyes at flickering bulbs. And I can still walk an extra mile for the sake of my dreams.
                                                                                                                 I had promised you the Adrenalize outfit post long back. The chill had put me in hibernating mode but now that the chill looks all set to leave with Saraswati Pujo coming up, it's time to get those pictures out of the archive and put them up on ze blog!

Maxi dress-Emami,blazer-tailor-made,ring-New Market,pearl earring and bracelet,pink and orange bracelet-gifted,sling-B.K.Market,gladiator-Metro Plaza

Because of lack of planning, Kolkata Literary Meet couldn't happen but I should be able to visit Book Fair if things don't go horribly wrong. So, will be back with the musings of the bookworm. Till then, take care and keep it stylish.
                    Love,
                    Soumi

Jingle bells early this year!

There's a saying that once God decides to be generous,He gives you ALL. Things have changed a lot since you heard me last time. Semester is over and thankfully,so is my search for a job. Yes,by God's grace,I've been recruited by Ruchi Soya Industries as a Management Trainee,HR. So,the next time you meet me,don't forget to ask for your free packet of Nutrella!
                                                                  Life is all about unexpected turns. All this while,I was busy eyeing TCS,thanks to my grand internship experience and fate was planning something else for me. It's too early to realise whether it's been a blessing in disguise or not but I believe in moving on. Regrets don't exist in my dictionary. So,it's high time I acknowledge the good time I had in TCS,the people I met,the friend(s) I discovered who'd always be a part of my life and move on.
                                                                                       Meanwhile,not having to study for placement means
i)I'm out of my self-imposed shopping ban(In other words,I can shop if I have money)
ii)I'm free to meet all those friends who had been cursing me and my inability to get a job in the first two companies.
iii)Christmas shouldn't be about eating a lot of cake while crying within the confines of my room(yes,I had started to get that depressed)
iv)B'day should be semi-fun too.

Kick-starting my December fun with a grand pre-Christmas bonfire was my favourite host(ess) in town-the beautiful restaurateur Johanne. With my girls Debi and Anu for company,I survived quite a few things I never thought I would and managed to have a lot of fun at the same time. A lot of booze,mouthwatering food and a great ambiance,what else is required to have a great party? The courteous hostess even dropped us back home.

Jumpsuit(worn as pants),shoes-Simpark Mall,tunic-Metro Plaza,jacket,scarf,rings-New Market,bag-Emami

With the hostess and Debi

The bonfire

With Sayantani coming back tomorrow,I don't see the good times slowing down anytime soon. So,keep an eye on this space for more updates.
P.S.My favourite fashion designer,despite very much being there(with her headache)is nowhere in the picture because she,for a change,decided to play my favourite phaatugrapher.
A merry Christmas to all you lovelies in advance! <3