To sir,with love-part II

I stood there,sucking my finger,reliving the day,reaffirming to myself that it,indeed,was real.
I must've been there for a long time because when I looked back,you were gone.
The slightly acrid but intoxicating smell of your saliva had made me slightly delusional because what I saw,
could never have been true.
I saw you smiling,long after you were gone.
I saw you smiling,long after we chose our separate paths.
I saw you smiling,long after our destiny was decided.

I don't ask for happy endings,sir.
Pain is all I'm used to.
Memories are all I've got.
Memories are all I've always wanted.
The good ones,the bad ones,
the ones we chose to forget,
only to be resurrected again.
I cherish them all,sir.
Because this is all I got.

I don't ask for perfect kisses,sir.
Suppressed desires are what I'm most comfortable with.
Deep,dark,desirous,
shy of light,
shy of truth,
that's where I reside in.
May I be there forever.

I don't ask for social recognition,sir.
Shame is all I've been holding on to.
Acknowledgement has never been my thing.
Buried but not forgotten,
that's the best I can aim for.

I don't ask for your heart,sir.
I know my limits.
I want to be there in bits and pieces.
I want you to remember me when you're high.
I want you to remember me at those very dark moments,
when I'm your only refuge.
Because angels can get you only as far as light goes.
Beyond the darkness,beyond the silence,
is where I stand.
Demon is your saviour,sir.
 You were a sinner to begin with.

P.S.I've wanted to wear this blouse with this yellow shrug since,like forever!And this 'jooti' is a b'day gift from a friend.The tattoo was supposed to claim its place of pride in this space long ago but I was too lazy to take a decent picture!And then,when someone else did,I wasn't ready to post it.It seemed unfair to share it with the world(the virtual world,to be precise since my family and friends had already seen it) before the one who matters gets to see it.He finally saw it today.Expected him to react more strongly though.This is NOT what I wore today.Today was so personal that I thought it'd be an insult to use a camera to capture the moments!My life is an open book all right but some pictures are never meant to be shared.