Waking up to dream and nightmare,at the same time!

Here comes a feeling you thought you had forgotten.
Uneasy,clumsy.
Drifting into sleep and back to half-consciousness.
A face,a smile,a pair of curious yet non-judgmental eyes.
Never accuses me,never hates me,never demands an explanation.
That's why it's killing me.


This lump in my throat,hard to describe,
hard to swallow,
hard to vomit.
Just big enough to register its presence.
Maybe in its nascent stage now,
but I've a funny feeling that it'll grow bigger
and engulf my whole world some day.
Like a black shadow of some dark past,
carefully hidden but never really destroyed.


Guilt maybe?
Ah,that sounds mainstream,finally!
I'm feeling GUILTY.

This post is inspired from Fantabulous February-day eleven by Kanika on her blog Sensitive Chaos.I'm LOVING Fantabulous February! Join us and make it a success(not to suggest that it isn't a success already,:P).

On a somewhat different note,I've a good news to share with you all.Terence sir is finally bringing his ABCD(Any Body Can Dance) workshop level-I to Kolkata! I've been waiting for this workshop for a long,long time now! In fact,it was one of the most important reasons behind applying to B schools in Mumbai. I couldn't have woken up to a better news! Looks like 'Fantabulous February' is going to extend itself into 'Memorable March'.I felt a little bad when I couldn't go to DID auditions this time.My campus placements were going on back then.It's not about being selected,you know.It's about meeting so many like-minded people,it's about being a part of that infectious energy and contributing to it somehow. After that tragedy,this workshop provides me with a perfect opportunity to relive those dreams of mine.The workshop is basically on Indian contemporary and bolly hop.Bolly hop,I'm not so interested in.I've never really been a hip hop person but I can't wait for the Indian Contemporary classes!There's just the wee bit of doubt though.My semester is supposed to start in April.The workshop will be over by 8th April.So,if it clashes with my semester,...:-(
                     But I'd rather be optimistic

If you're in Kolkata too and would like to be a part of this workshop,call 89610 03425/03426/03427 or send a mail to danceworkshop2012@gmail.com.Registration venues- Shri Shikshayatan School and City Centre 1,Saltlake.
                         I was so happy that I decided to share these old pictures with you! These were taken at the Kolkata book fair.I had planned to do a post on the book fair and use these pictures over there but like I complained on Facebook and Twitter,I find Kolkata book fair losing its charm slowly but steadily ever since it shifted to Milan Mela from Maidan.These days,it looks like a family outing and DOES NOT inspire me at all! I love books anyway.So,I'll keep going there as long as I'm in Kolkata but it's just not worth blogging about.
                                                          The blouse was a b'day gift from my cousins.I love the happy blue! Couldn't think of a better colour than red to wear it with.I threw the yellow shrug on to maximise the effect.I'm still not over colour blocking,you see! And added the tan bag and nude pumps to balance the colours.
                                                                                                                                                   Hope everyone is having a great weekend.XOXO.

To sir,with love-part III

Am I worth a squeeze,sir?
Am I worth a squeeze?
Would you make a run for me,sir?
Would you sweep me off my feet?
Or we will always make love in that shabby little room,
too busy to get down to the real business.
No time for 'love'.

Am I worth a squeeze,sir?
Am I worth a squeeze?
Did your hands reach down to your groin
when you saw me undressing?

Am I worth a squeeze,sir?
Am I worth a squeeze?
I wonder if you felt anything when you stroked my thigh.
Or was that just good ol' foreplay?
Always gets me warmed up,right?

Am I worth a squeeze,sir?
Am I worth a squeeze?
Did you feel my heart beating while 'feeling me up'?
Did you hear my lips shivering while kissing them to death?
Or was it 'part of the plan'?

Am I worth a squeeze,sir?
Am I worth a squeeze?
Did you see my vulnerability when I spread my legs?
Did you feel my tears when I succumbed to your embrace?
Maybe you were too busy pressing your erection against me.
You were never comfortable with 'feelings',I should've known.

Am I worth a squeeze,sir?
Am I worth a squeeze?
Would you care to listen to me talking after we're done?
Would you like to know if I read?
Would you like to know if I prefer beer or red wine?
Would you like to know why I had my very first cigarette?
Would you like to know why I'm so obsessed with pain?
Would you care to read if I wrote you a poem?

 Am I worth a squeeze,sir?
Am I worth a squeeze?
Would you look at my eyes and say that you had a good time?
Would you care to help me with the tea bag?
Would you thank me after the foot massage?

I detest anything pretty,sir.
Because it reminds me of my past.
Because it reminds me of the happy go lucky teenager with a gap-toothed smile.
Because it reminds me of what I used to be,
before I messed it all up.
Ugly,cynic,messy,
with tobacco stains and beer belly,
fighting hangovers with self abuse,
refusing to wax her legs for months
just because she didn't want them to look 'pretty'.
That's me,sir.
Do you still want to see me?

You never courted me,sir.
Is it too late to (try to) detoxify our highly dysfunctional 'friendship'?
Is it too late to go for a long walk,hand in hand?
Is it too late to look at the horizon and just feel the silence?
Is it too late to fight over phuchka bills and then laugh our ass off?
If we still have some hope,you know where to find me.