Memories unsold, stories untold...

In the flinching light, I saw.
I saw traces of memories
from last night,
unpenetrated by the harshness
of morning reality,
strewn about the floor
like virgin jasmines.

Maxi Dress - Sudder Street, cuff - New Market, neckpiece - Linking Road, shirt - Nuon, lipstick - Passionate by Colorbar

It's an understatement to call this maxi my go to piece of clothing. Bought from a random shop in Sudder Street during a lazy afternoon walk with a friend on a marijuana hunt for some 250 bucks, I have worn this maxi at least thrice in the past two years on the blog itself! Same goes for the cuff that has been my staple accessory for the past four years. And even though the neckpiece is no more alive, thanks to a wild encounter one Saturday night, it has served me well for the past six months.

I'll be back with my 'oh how I miss Kolkata winter' posts but till then, take care and like I always say, keep it stylish.
P.S. If you are travelling from Kolkata to Mumbai any time before February, you can also get me some nolen gur. *Wink*

Setting priorities

A considerable part of my childhood was spent making plans on things to do once I get a job. Buying all the books under the sun, going on a shopping spree and signing up for expensive, day long dance classes topped the list. It hit me the other day that working has only taken me far, far away from the person I had aspired to become once I start earning. I've not been able to pursue my hobbies as much as I used to while studying, let alone more. I kept wondering whether it was worth it. Sure I love my job, I love living in the fastest and arguably the biggest city in India, I love being independent...I love it all! But with every passing day, I lose touch with my true self a little more. I wake up every morning - fresh and beaming with energy, ready to take on the world but what about the early morning newspaper I used to read till 12 p.m. before researching more on the topic the editorial that day was written about? What about the leisurely breakfast I used to make myself and wonder if it'd feel this satisfying even when I'm eighty? What about the hawker I used to chat with every afternoon irrespective of whether I buy Popsicle from him or not?

Life is cruel. It lures one with promises of things they have always fantasised about and then takes even their bare necessities from them. I've learnt it the hard way and therefore, decided not to let go of the few principles I've, the few people I care for and the few things I'm passionate about, come what may. I decided not to give up on my early morning exercise, reading a few pages at least once every week and talking to my parents everyday. Putting my foot down and taking this decision not only made me feel empowered but also a lot lighter. Setting our own priorities is important in order to stop disappointing ourselves everyday. What are your priorities? How do you ensure you don't compromise on them?

Pleated maxi skirt and tan tote - Jabong, tussled crop top - Max, black oxfords - Simpark Mall, silver neckpiece - Linking Road, lipstick - Arresting Pink by Colorbar
Picture Courtesy - Anu

These pictures were rotting in my draft for almost a month. Crazy working hours and hectic travelling(and a laptop that's obsessed with crashing) didn't help. But I finally showed them the light of the day! Looking at these also reminded me of the super, super fun evening I spent with my best friend during her Mumbai trip for Lakme Fashion Week almost a month back. This skirt has been my go to piece of clothing for almost a year. The crop top was a gift during my recent Hyderabad trip. Together, they make for such an effortless, chic look even though I wish I had enough energy to take better pictures.

These days, I've also been introspecting a lot regarding my blog. More on that later though. Meanwhile, if you are in Kolkata at this moment, do let me know how the kaash phool(the nerds tell me that they are called saccharum spontaneum but I find it very difficult to believe) looks now and if the Dhaakis have already started beating their drums. Oh how I miss this pre - pujo madness!

Unequal Role Perceptions

I was fifteen when I had told a friend that I want to be a single mother because "I don't want to share my baby with anyone else." I told her that I felt my mom was capable of doing everything that my dad does if she wants to but my dad can't do the same. So, I can imagine her bringing me up on her own but the idea of growing up with only my father scares the shit out of me. I also admitted that I like boys but I'm not sure about sharing things I love with them(chocolates and books being my obvious choice back then). My friend was horrified and even though she didn't tell me, I'm sure she thanked God for not being my daughter. A decade has passed but the story remains the same everywhere.

                                                                                                                        I'm not a staunch feminist. In fact, I have chosen to call myself "not a feminist" for at least the past five years. So, the idea of some people perceiving women as weak, fragile and dependent doesn't annoy me, it amuses me. Yes, I have seen women who always need someone to fall back on but I know for sure that I can bloody well protect my child in this big, bad world and provide for them as long as I have a job and I'm physically fit.

                    On a related note, I was reading an article the other day about male rape victims finding it difficult to share their pain and seek medical help because being raped isn't "manly" and trying to carry on with their so called normal life despite the regular bleeding and the pus-covered anus. A little more research on the same topic made me throw up and cry. I kept wondering what purpose such skewed role definitions of our society served other than alienating people and breaking their hearts. Putting your wife through indirect mental torture because she earns more than you do is as bad as leaving your husband because he is a rape victim. Forcing your son to go for Cricket coaching instead of Odissi classes is as bad as not letting your daughter go to school. When would we accept human beings as human beings? I see so many brave, intelligent, powerful women wasting all their energy on the eternal I-can-do-it-better-than-you fight with men instead of trying to find out what it is that they are originally good at and focus on being the best at that instead of always trying to be better than someone. If one always strives to be as good as someone at something, the person would never be able to rise beyond that someone. I should aim to be my best. If I end up being better than a few people in the process, that's only an added bonus. Is it that hard to achieve? I dream of a society where sex would be just as menial an information as someone's blood group on a form which is meant to be used only in case of emergency. I dream of a society that welcomes both a masculine woman and an effeminate man with an open embrace. I dream of a society where I won't be judged for being a single mother and my son won't be called names if he finds my aanchal comforting even after the age of eighteen. I dream of a society where I'd be a human being first and then a woman.

Maxi dress- Emami Market, cuff and rings- New Market, silver kolhapuri- Shreeram Arcade, lipstick- Orange Punch by Colorbar

Summer Stories...

Summer is officially in full swing, fellas! And for some reason, this year, I'm hating it less than I usually do. It might have something to do with the evening breeze here in Mumbai or the weekend beach outings though. Humid as it is, there's no denying that Spring-Summer shouts out 'bright' and 'happy' loud while my favourite season Winter can't really escape the 'dark' and 'gloomy' tags. Given my obsession with layering, I try to find ways to layer even in this heat. Back home, Summer used to be about kaal-boishakhi(Nor'wester) followed by post-storm raw mango collection, shorbot (sorbet is close but not quite the same)made with gondhoraj lebu(a variety of lime available only in Bengal), himshagar aam( again, a variety of mango available only in Bengal), staring at the scorching sun during lazy Sunday afternoons while reading and wondering if life, too, is as unforgiving at times. Things of course, have changed quite a bit here but it has been a welcome change, to say the least. The clock is ticking and with every passing day, the dreadful moment of leaving Mumbai and going back to my least favourite place is approaching closer. But this time, I'm on a mission to be happy and enjoy myself till the doomsday arrives. On that note, say hello to my daylong semi-sexy tan and my current obsession with this denim shirt!

Over-sized denim shirt, eagle ring- Colaba Causeway, maxi dress(worn as a skirt)- Sudder Street, earcuff- Linking Road, jooti, cuff - New Market, lipstick- Arresting Pink by Colorbar

I'll be back with my third obsession stripes(denim and monochrome being the other two)hopefully before leaving. Till then, take care and like I always say, keep it stylish!

Never good at good bye...

There's a saying called kupamanduk or kuo-r bang in Bengali that means 'frog in a well.' Being born and brought up in one of the most charming cities in the entire world meant becoming a frog in a well in some sense or the other.I never left the city till a certain age and all my favourites started and ended in the city-my favourite phuchka or dosa or rolls or mishti or noodles or tandoori chicken, my favourite corner to read or think or take a long walk, my favourite place for second hand books, mojris, sarees, dress materials, thrifted stuff, accessories and what not. My city has always provided me with everything I have ever wanted(and more) and therefore, I never felt the need to leave this city.
     But life has a way of throwing us off the turf. During my orientation programme, I was required to travel to various locations and among the three locations that I had visited, if there was one place that I hated with a passion, it was Indore. The very vibe of the city depressed me, I hated the food, I had difficulties understanding their dialect, the work culture in the Indore office irritated me to no end and the list goes on. But ironically, I was chosen to operate out of the Indore office for two years by the Management. Given that the fellow Management Trainees were going to places like Haldia, Gandhidham, Mangalore and Patalganga, I was in pretty much the best possible location though. Besides, I don't like coming across as an inflexible person at work. So, there I was- packing my bags and leaving within three days of being back from Haldia.
                                                                                         The hardest part about leaving is having to say good bye. I'm bad at it. My tear glands betray me and no matter how much I swear not to cry, my voice chokes. I'm not a much-loved person but the few people I care for mean the world to me and vice versa. So, this time also, no matter where it took place, I could barely speak, my eyes welled up and before long, I knew I was getting ugly. But it didn't matter because the moment itself was beautiful and this beauty was beyond words. And then it ended. I left the city that meant everything to me and arrived in a new city where I knew no one. Pleasantries were exchanged, strangers were befriended and life moved on.

Sheer maxi skirt, crop top, ring- B.K.Market, cuff- New Market, neckpiece- Lindsay Street, gladiators- Shreeram Arcade lipstick- Orange Punch by Colorbar, nail paints- Pink Champagne by Maybelline

Fear no fear(or not)?

Since time immemorial, children and adults alike are taught to overcome their fear but while going through a post by fellow blogger Chandana, I actually started thinking about fear the way I haven't thought in years. Since Bukowski, Ginsberg and Plath happen to be my all time favourite poets, I, personally have always been a believer in fear. Fear, in my opinion, is the rawest emotion one can have and even though the die-hard romantic in me would like to think otherwise, I've strong reasons to suspect that fear overrides even love at times. Every human emotion can be derived from fear. Love also, in a way, can be defined as 'the fear of losing the person one can't do without', among other things. The so called 'overcoming one's fear' is also logically null and void. We don't overcome our fears, we avoid acknowledging the fact that we fear a certain person/thing/activity/idea and try to look at that particular person/thing/activity/idea as something different(and doable, if I might add). But none of the 'overcome your fear' workshops I've seen had taught the victim to admit their fear and then dealing with it. They are always told that there's nothing to fear which, in essence, is trying to avoid the idea of fear altogether and also, challenging the victim's sanity.
                                                                                                                                           How about using fear as motivation instead? Fear isn't our friend and most of us are in agreement in that case. So, the next time we have to go river-rafting, something that many of us are scared of, instead of thinking that there's nothing to fear and then rediscovering it like never before mid-river, how about we admit the fear of river-rafting and then decide to go because we refuse to allow fear more power over us than it already has? I myself am very clear about my fears. Like most of my friends, I'm shit scared of cockroaches, spiders, snakes and all their creepy crawly cousins. But whenever a cockroach presents itself in front of me when I don't have help nearby, I try to remember how scary it'd be if I can't kill the cockroach now and it gets braver and ends up on my shoulder and trust me, it always works. I have almost a 100% record of hitting cockroaches with my first spray. Fear no. 2 is going back to my (grossly) overweight days. It goes without saying that this fear motivates me to eat healthy(with cheat days once every week of course) and work out on a regular basis. The biggest fear in my life is not having my loved ones with me, physically or emotionally. Even though this might not sound like a real fear to some people, trust me I've spent sleepless nights imagining how life would be without the ones I consider to be my closest. I'm yet to get hold of a full-proof way to solve this but I'm reaching there. What are your fears?
                                                                                          Moving on to the outfit, you must have got an idea that I'm in a full on monochrome mood. So, you are going to see this maxi skirt on the blog pretty frequently. And I love how Anu makes my Saturdays ever since the misery called work has taken over! Even though I try not to miss her exhibitions, most of the times I can't turn up because of my hectic schedule. Since I was working this Saturday and my office happens to be close to The Park, I knew this isn't an exhibition I'd like to miss out on. Given the dress code and the weather, this was pretty much the best I could do. Of course even a conservative(read matronly) outfit like this one drew enough glances(and complaints later) from people at work who were wondering whether sweeping the floor has also been added to the duties of HR or not and how I lost my other 'earring' and if I'm wearing a clip-on because I don't have my ears pierced, to name a few but then, having a gala time with Anu and Deepa is worth every awkward (and annoying) question answered(or ignored).

Maxi skirt-Jabong, shirt- Simpark Mall, ring- New Market, shoes and earcuff- B.K.Market, bow tie-Howrah Bridge

Picture Courtesy- Anu

The biggest festival of us Bengalis- Durga Pujo is just a week away. Even though I have mixed feelings about it this year, the energy in the city during this time is infectious. So, expect a lot of ethnic pictures on ze blog when I come back. Till then, take care and keep it stylish.

The wanderer's musings

The wind on my shoulder,
the aching muscles ponder,
was love a blunder?

After a hectic trip to Mumbai-Indore-Gandhidham-Mumbai, I'm back home! Home is where the heart is but home is also where my favourite phuchkawala resides. Home is where I can smell the festive spirits a little more with every passing day. Life is anything but what I had expected it to be. Getting paid is kinda cool but doing things that one hates to no end in order to get that money pretty much sucks. Meanwhile, I'm busy trying to remove the layers of charcoal from my skin, thanks to the purposeless plant visits and shopping for PUJO! The past one month hasn't been easy and hardships won't slow down before at least three more months. My body is close to giving up and I haven't been this sick in years! But I'm also trying to focus on whatever positives I happen to have in my life. And the memory of this day is one of those. And the theme Roaring 20s of course helped. Let the pictures do the rest of the talking while I cuddle up under the sheets with a book.

Maxi dress, kolhapuri- Emami, bag- New Market, neckpiece(worn as a headgear)- Chandrani Pearls

Picture and hair Courtesy- Anu

Crossroads...

You know those over-hyped, cheesy yet somewhat significant junctures of your life that you can never be prepared for? Like going to school, starting college, losing your virginity,getting started with alcohol, getting married, having a baby et cetera? Well,putting an end to one's academic career(read leaving college)is one of those too.You think it'd be some grand affair with graduation cloaks, recalling funny stories about each other and shedding tears about not being able to re-live those days again, promising to stay in touch no matter what and all but unless you are some leader in your batch being equally popular among students and teachers, always organising cool events, helping your friends out with the most impressive job in your pocket, it's another one of those days when you don't feel like dragging your ass all the way back to that pathetic campus where you have been bullied or discriminated against, yawning through another set of lectures from the faculties you so hate from the bottom of your heart and finally getting drunk with a bunch of acquaintances over how this institute has failed you and your dreams. And I needn't turn up at my farewell to know that.
                                   As far as I'm concerned, mediocrity has always been my middle name. I'm not pretty, I'm not extraordinarily ugly either.I never topped my class but never came last either. I'm nowhere close to having my dream job but I DO have something to fall back on for psychological comfort(yeah, I don't think I'd be any less broke or dissatisfied if I go to Mumbai for this job but I couldn't survive the pressure
of seeing others get placed and scoring a zero for a week, let alone so many months),my love story would never go down in history but it's definitely my favourite.
                                                                          Given all these grand examples, it's a no brainer that I was never any teacher's favourite anywhere. I didn't make friends who'd die for me either. Basically, had I not been there in the class,people won't have missed much. I was pretty much invisible.So,I'm having a really hard time coming up with one good reason for showing up at the stupid campus one last time where no one cares much about me and the feeling is very mutual. The thought of pretending to be having a good time while boredom gets the better of me just doesn't sound appealing. And even though I shared a very personal bond with my students during my short stint as a private tutor, none of the teachers in my schools or colleges ever inspired me enough to delve deeper into the subjects they were teaching. Besides, my career has suffered a lot at different times for not sharing a personal equation with any of my teachers.
                                                                                                                      But,at the same time,unlike many of my other friends,I'm not angry at anyone. I have studied Leader-Member Exchange Theory and believe in it wholeheartedly. I find it very normal to accept that everyone would have a favourite and I calmly accept this fact also that I'm no one's favourite. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm thankful to God for making me normal,allowing me to have a normal life,giving me results worth at least thirty percent of my hard work and blessing me with this beautiful heart that stretches like rubber and engulfs the person I love once I love them. I'm thankful to God for making me sensitive enough to feel every ecstasy, failure, disappointment, hatred, heartbreak, passion and still not be overwhelmed by it(okay,maybe I should have excluded the heartbreak part but never mind). Moving to an alien city with an unimpressive job,leaving my family,friends and the love of my life behind,scares me beyond imagination and I'll try to fight it for as long as possible. But when I sense the end,I'll just let go and surrender to fate completely. The tears won't stop but there'd be no regret.
                                                   Speaking of regrets,poila boishakh(The Bengali New Year)is known to be a family affair among us Bengalis and my family being one of those where no one seems to be agreeing with anyone else over anything,it has always been a quiet day at home having bhetki paturi(bhetki fish steamed with mustard paste), chingri shorshey(mustard prawn) or mangsher jhol(mutton curry) for lunch.My parents don't see any logic in going out to fancy Bengali restaurants and have Bengali delicacies that are no more cooked at Bengali households and I've always regretted spending an uneventful poila boishakh. But with my bunch of girls making plans on that very day, it was anything but quiet this year. We met up at this quaint little place called Cafela near Rashbehari and boy, did we have a scandalous evening! The pictures are more than a month old but you can still see the sparkle in my eyes, right?

Anarkali gone wrong and worn as a maxi dress-tailor-made from Gariahat Market(not from my regular tailor,duh!), shoes, pouch- Simpark Mall, denim waistcoat- New Market, rings- B.K.Market and New Market, lipstick- Maybelline Bold Matte MAT 4

Picture Courtesy- Anu

P.S. I'm almost getting over multicolored outfits and I have to admit that Anamika Khanna hating them has helped accelerate my decision. So, expect a lot of monochrome and tone-on-tone on ze blog in the coming posts. Till then, take care and keep it stylish.

Springing out...

Spring is here in my city. Or should I say summer? Subtlety is not the strongest suit
of Kolkata weather these days. Gone are the evening breezes and the surprise drizzles.
The cuckoo doesn't sing near my maama-baari windowsill any more either. The agression
in my love and the subsequent pain aren't entirely gone but I've learnt to hide it
carefully. The sheer romance of sucking on to a soggy ice cream cone while taking long
walks are gone too. Gone are so many of my other childhood dreams!Love is very much
there and it's the only thing that makes me believe in life. I still feel like a trapped
princess just as I used to twenty three summers back. No knight in shining armour came
to rescue me back then and no one would come now. But meanwhile, I've learnt to
tone down my fairy tales to suit my mundane life.
                                               Talking of what is NOT mundane,Jhaal Farezi
is becoming THE place I tend to hang out with my girls at.The quirky decor, the fun food
at VERY reasonable price, the option to just sit there and chill out for HOURS make it a
favourite with all of us. And trust me, it's totally worth travelling for an hour-changing
four autos!And, hold your breath, fellow health freaks,they serve vada pav without butter!
And, they have enough brains not to bring you sugar satchets if you ask for green tea. #Win

Also, every time I go to Jhaal Farezi,for some reason or the other, I end up wearing maxis.
This time was no exception. Even though my separates look more like a maxi dress, they
are very much the thrifted tunic tucked into the maxi skirt I thought I'd never wear.

Anywhoo,a slow internet connection and a hectic schedule are making sure I don't get to blog more
than once every month but I got some very good news coming up for you lovelies. Our group
venture 'Sisterhood of the Travelling Pajamas' would be here soon and it's something
that the blog-o-sphere(at least as far as my knowledge goes)has never seen before! I can't
spill any more beans. You just have to guess and wait. I also have my very first guest post
coming up on the blog.The topic is a little different from the usual mood of this space.
So, I'm having a hard time fitting it in. But all would be resolved in no time hopefully.
Till then, all ya lovelies think peach and sip coconut water. *Kisses*

Tunic(thrifted), maxi skirt, spiked loafers- B.K.Market, ring- New Market

With my sunflower Nikita, who made it all possible

Boredom of Sanity

And just like that, the first month of 2014 is gone. I have had a more or less normal month. I have full attendance in college, I haven't missed gym or morning newspaper on a single day, I have cooked myself quite a few edible meals and of course, I have successfully submitted my project. I have also started writing quite a bit in Bengali and there's something very, very comforting about expressing oneself in their mother tongue. It not only liberates the closeted soul but also makes one see themselves more clearly. I'd always be indebted to  the one who got me into it. I was scared at first, I'd admit but owning up to the fear has been worth it. Apart from that, this absolute stillness in my life drives me crazy at times. There is no ripple, no chaos, no purpose. For someone as eccentric as yours truly, it's not the best way to let her creative juices flowing. In my profession, public image goes a long way and I have realised it the hard way. I'm still not puritan enough to untag myself from pictures that have me posing with a drink in my hand but I have definitely started editing my public persona. It's not an exercise I have been entirely fond of but it has worked for me. It hasn't given me peace of mind but it has definitely helped me fake it. There are still moments when I wake up with a few droplet of tears or I want to scream at the silence of the cold night or I want to run away to the horizon where the sun meets the ground and never come back but mostly, I'm older and wiser.
                                                                                                                                            I haven't had a very good feeling about 2014 and it hasn't disappointed me. Things haven't really gone well on the personal front and they show no signs of improving. The brighter part is, the halogen lights still fill me up with unfathomable pain and unbearable hope at the same time. I still dream every night. I still have a few beliefs to hold on to and no matter how difficult life gets, I don't see them dying very soon. I don't flinch my eyes at flickering bulbs. And I can still walk an extra mile for the sake of my dreams.
                                                                                                                 I had promised you the Adrenalize outfit post long back. The chill had put me in hibernating mode but now that the chill looks all set to leave with Saraswati Pujo coming up, it's time to get those pictures out of the archive and put them up on ze blog!

Maxi dress-Emami,blazer-tailor-made,ring-New Market,pearl earring and bracelet,pink and orange bracelet-gifted,sling-B.K.Market,gladiator-Metro Plaza

Because of lack of planning, Kolkata Literary Meet couldn't happen but I should be able to visit Book Fair if things don't go horribly wrong. So, will be back with the musings of the bookworm. Till then, take care and keep it stylish.
                    Love,
                    Soumi

Adrenalize 2014-an evening of all things pretty!

If you have been following this space for a while, you'd know that Adrenalize is an event I personally look forward to. Not only because it chooses one of Kolkata's oldest and most sophisticated clubs as the venue but also because it tries to give the guests an one stop solution for all things fun. And an event like this in the Winter is just what the doctor ordered for the party animals.
                                                                                        This time, because of unavoidable circumstances, the only ones who made it to the party were Deepa and yours truly. We reached a little late but just in time to be a part of the super fun grape stomping session(which was a favourite with both of us last year too). With a bottle of Four Seasons Sauvignon Blanc at our disposal, we joined in the merry making. And then DJ Happy brought all the guests to their feet with his peppy numbers. Deepa and I danced our heart out. Even in that chilly weather, I needed to put my blazer away. Dinner was served after a while. I must say the food was better than last time. They decided to skip Indian altogether and the Bar-B-Q in this weather just perfectly complemented the lovely wines. We even went back to the dance floor for the last song of the night. Post a lot of eating,drinking and dancing, the icing on the cake was making a Girls' Night out of it. So, both of us went back to my place, chatted for hours about everything under the sun and then fell asleep without even knowing. The brownie point? Since the party got over early, my mom was happy to see me back in time too. She was like, "why can't you only go to parties like these?" *Rolling Eyes*
                                                                                                                           So, even though we missed the treasure hunt because of getting late, we DID have a very good time indeed, all thanks to Four Seasons!

All decked up

Eat, drink and make merry...

Dancing the night away!

We ended up wearing the same colour without even planning!

Spirits soaring, for obvious reasons!

Owning'em up!

The pros at grape stomping

Trying my hand, er, legs at it

And finally, the poser in me!
Picture Credits- Deepa

I'll be back with the details of what I wore to the event. Till then, make the best out of this festive season and pray so that the chill stays here for a while. Signing off,
                                                                               Soumi