Unequal Role Perceptions

I was fifteen when I had told a friend that I want to be a single mother because "I don't want to share my baby with anyone else." I told her that I felt my mom was capable of doing everything that my dad does if she wants to but my dad can't do the same. So, I can imagine her bringing me up on her own but the idea of growing up with only my father scares the shit out of me. I also admitted that I like boys but I'm not sure about sharing things I love with them(chocolates and books being my obvious choice back then). My friend was horrified and even though she didn't tell me, I'm sure she thanked God for not being my daughter. A decade has passed but the story remains the same everywhere.

                                                                                                                        I'm not a staunch feminist. In fact, I have chosen to call myself "not a feminist" for at least the past five years. So, the idea of some people perceiving women as weak, fragile and dependent doesn't annoy me, it amuses me. Yes, I have seen women who always need someone to fall back on but I know for sure that I can bloody well protect my child in this big, bad world and provide for them as long as I have a job and I'm physically fit.

                    On a related note, I was reading an article the other day about male rape victims finding it difficult to share their pain and seek medical help because being raped isn't "manly" and trying to carry on with their so called normal life despite the regular bleeding and the pus-covered anus. A little more research on the same topic made me throw up and cry. I kept wondering what purpose such skewed role definitions of our society served other than alienating people and breaking their hearts. Putting your wife through indirect mental torture because she earns more than you do is as bad as leaving your husband because he is a rape victim. Forcing your son to go for Cricket coaching instead of Odissi classes is as bad as not letting your daughter go to school. When would we accept human beings as human beings? I see so many brave, intelligent, powerful women wasting all their energy on the eternal I-can-do-it-better-than-you fight with men instead of trying to find out what it is that they are originally good at and focus on being the best at that instead of always trying to be better than someone. If one always strives to be as good as someone at something, the person would never be able to rise beyond that someone. I should aim to be my best. If I end up being better than a few people in the process, that's only an added bonus. Is it that hard to achieve? I dream of a society where sex would be just as menial an information as someone's blood group on a form which is meant to be used only in case of emergency. I dream of a society that welcomes both a masculine woman and an effeminate man with an open embrace. I dream of a society where I won't be judged for being a single mother and my son won't be called names if he finds my aanchal comforting even after the age of eighteen. I dream of a society where I'd be a human being first and then a woman.

Maxi dress- Emami Market, cuff and rings- New Market, silver kolhapuri- Shreeram Arcade, lipstick- Orange Punch by Colorbar

Being truly independent...

Independence is easily one of the most abused words in today's world. We use it to justify literally everything we do(or don't)in our daily lives. While saying hurtful things to others, hurting someone else's sentiments, harming animals or nature aren't things that we should do just because we are capable of doing them, everyone should know what being independent means for them. As a woman, the only aspect of independence that had been emphasized to me throughout my life was financial independence. Coming from a family where most of the women had to ask for money from their husbands even if they wanted to buy their children a candy, the women in our family, specially my mother, always wanted to make sure that I don't commit the same mistake that they had, years back. I've a job today that pays enough to cover my expenses and maybe a little luxury every once in a while but am I independent? Definitely not. I still freak out if I have to book my tickets, go to the bank, talk to the bored and hostile officials sitting at various Government offices,kill cockroaches and spiders, move my furniture around and so on and so forth. There are a hundred tasks required in our daily lives that I'm not good at. Therefore, I depend on my near and dear ones to do these for me. So, despite being financially independent, I'm definitely not independent in its true sense. Also, should we call someone independent if they have a job but only because others forced them into it and given a choice, they'd rather pursue their hobbies that didn't pay? This is an issue that one of my all time favourite bloggers Tanvii brought to my notice for the first time. Pursuing or not pursuing a so called career should be a conscious choice for all of us. And the decision to take care of the household instead of sitting at a cubicle in front of a computer deserves an equal amount of respect because we should have the freedom to choose whether we want to be employed or not. Ever since I started looking at things this way, my approach towards the so called housewives has changed drastically.
                                                    There's another aspect to independence that we often choose not to explore. Being a citizen of a free country means we have the right to take personal decisions until and unless our decisions go against the law of the land. Yet, how many of us are brave enough to embrace our true sexuality? How many of us are comfortable talking about their curiosity towards everything sexual during our adolescent years? Our body is a mystery on its own and not acknowledging its complex behaviours only shows our desperation to run away from the truth and nothing else. Calling a broom anything other than a broom won't change its true identity. Likewise, if parents choose to have an open discussion about the sexual curiosity accompanied with adolescence, many of the unhealthy sexual habits people grow as teenagers can be prevented. Topics like masturbation, unprotected sex, sodomy, homosexuality, incest, erotic fetishes and BDSM(to name a few) should be clearly discussed with teenagers instead of leaving it to their imagination. And who can be a better teacher for a child than his/her parents? I, for one, was always very clear and vocal about my body and its desires and considered myself sexually independent. However, despite my best attempts, any discussion with the elders regarding this always ended in a fight. I used to take things personally even five years back. These days, I'm wise enough to come out of the discussion after giving them the required information instead of turning it into a nasty fight. But the scores of homosexuals trapped in heterosexual marriages or forced to live a life of tired loneliness tell a different story.
                                                              So, this independence day, instead of hoisting another national flag and singing the national anthem once more, think about what true independence means to you. List down ten things you'd have done had there been no societal rules and no inhibitions. Then ask yourself why you aren't doing those. I'm pretty sure there'd be at least five things that you can do any day if you stop being so afraid. And if all of us end up doing five such things every year, we'd know that we are heading towards a truly independent country.

And now, say 'hi' to one of the most independent girls I've ever known! If you have been following ze blog for a while,Anu is no stranger to you. She happens to be the best and most inspiring fashion designer, a surprisingly observant amateur photographer, a celeb content writer, the most dedicated fashion blogger and my greatest source of inspiration. She has always lived life on her own terms. She has never done one of those so called rebellious things, true but she has broken almost every rule our society tries to impose on women in her own way. Studying Fashion Designing despite being a Science student(I'm sure the prospective doctors and engineers spared her no sneer), quitting her job to start her own brand, not succumbing to peer pressure, continuing with equal jest even when her dreams didn't exactly find wings to fly...I can talk about how she inspires me all day long! So, what better time to show you how she breaks the myth of not being able to be cool in ethnic wear? She rocks it and how!

Tunic- Max, leggings- Shoppers Stop, chappals- Linking Road, Bandra, watch- Dresslily, ring-Dilli Haat, neckpiece- New Market

Too mushy to love

For the people of our generation,V day seems to be one of the most important occasions! I,for one,have never been a huge fan of it.I'm not opposed to the idea of celebrating love but the way it's been commercialized and reduced to a joke saddens me.Gone are the days when love used to be about writing a heartfelt letter.Now it's strictly business.Now it's a cut-throat competition among peers to show your 'love' in the most expensive,innovative,standout way.What the heck?I'd rather call it showing off.
                                                                                                                     Back in my early teenage,I used to be pretty excited about V day.I spent most of my school life dating someone or the other(Yes,I dated throughout the school and remained single in these three years in college). When I was thirteen,V day meant going to a telephone booth and calling him.When I was fifteen,V day meant making a card for him and sending it through messengers.When I was eighteen,V day meant saving money for buying his favorite deo or after shave lotion.But mostly,it was about doing something but never getting anything in return.I wasn't even lucky enough to see them make an effort.My second boyfriend got me a bouquet with dried out flowers because he got to know from my friends that I was going to get him his favorite deo and a card double the size of his chest.
                                               I used to be really hurt back then.All my friends used to get cards,flowers(like,real flowers),chocolates,personalized coffee mugs from their boyfriends and I was the only one,neglected and taken for granted.But when I finally started growing up,I realized what a favor they had done me.They showed me the reality in stead of allowing me to get lost into a make-believe world.Because as soon as the mascara wears off,no one gives a rat's ass about your eyes,lips and heart.Over the years,I not only forgave them,I kind of grew fond of them,in my own sick way.
                                                                                                    Please don't think this is the space a hopelessly single twenty two year old uses to pour all her frustrations out.I DO love love,just not the way we've got used to celebrating it.I DO believe in making the loved one feel special,just not the way the ad gurus advise us to.I couldn't hate the Hindutwavadis bullying couples celebrating V day more! But at the same time,if I ever find true love,I won't like to spend our days looking at red cushions that say,'I love you more than anything in the world.'

I've been wearing a lot of red lately.It was tough to find pictures with no red popping out.You've seen the dhoti pant before.I'm gonna wear it a lot more,so,you better get used to it.The clutch was a gift from my uncle.I always loved the shade of green but since I carry the whole world in my bag,I hardly got a chance to flaunt it somewhere.The kolhapuris are an old favorite too.I wore the bindi to make the whole look more feminine.
On a parting note,
I'll be gone,
long before I cease to matter,
still early enough to make the world ponder over the choices I made.

Of anarkalis and kolhapuris

As promised,I'm back with an outfit post!Going ethnic never meant indulging into heavily embroidered saris and salwaar kameezes with ALL the jewelleries in the world for me!And more so for Diwali.Because this is a festival where there's fire all around.So,you gotta be really careful with your silk dupatta if you want to be safe.I'm still not used to calling it 'Diwali',it's still 'Kali Pujo' for me.Or maybe that's just the 'aatel' in me-desperately holding on to my traditions as much as possible on the special days while going around tossing all the moral education out on the other days.Maybe that's my way of looking down on people and saying,'you know,I might love my American sitcoms or I might be ready to murder anyone for a glass of authentic champagne or I might not know how to express my true feelings in Bengali(I just struggle for the exact words) but I'm WAY Bengali than all of you.I value my tradition and I can't even imagine polluting an essentially Bengali festival with Western influences.'

Anarkali-material bought from New Market ground floor and tailored from Gariahat Market

Tan sling and kolhapuri-Shreeram Arcade,lycra leggings-Metro Plaza

Headband-Gariahat

Earrings-Nik nish(probably)

Bangles-a Government organized crafts fair at Swabhumi(Don't remember the name)

                                                                          Anyway,back to the outfit.The kolhapuri was an obvious choice because I don't have a pair of mojris right now.And the green with golden adds just the right amount of color to the outfit.I've had my share of fun with colorful glass and wooden bangles.Was in a more 'earthy'(whatever that meant) mood today.So,I opted for the clay bangles.Believe it or not,I used to be a really earrings person back in school.So,the earrings must be at least five years old!The headband with anarkali idea is borrowed from the genius personified,Sabyasachi.It kind of made it a little boho chic.I love that.And the tan sling is a recent addition to my collection.It looks really predictable.But I just fell in love with the color and they didn't have it any other design.So,ended up buying it.The color hasn't come out right in this picture because of the poor lighting and my camera but I'm planning one more post with this one in broad daylight.So,you'll get to see its real color soon.

Of coming home back,not having a clue and then getting the biggest surprise of the month!

That's the thing about dressing down.You feel at home,you feel comfortable and at the same time,you feel down.I guess that's why they call it dressing 'down'.I've been thinking for a long time how to jazz it up a little.And then I saw a look of Jasleen's almost a year back and I was hugely inspired. She desifies almost every look of hers-sometimes with a jute bag,sometimes with a pair of mojris,sometimes with vintage jewellery...I've never been a fan of out-and-out traditional dress ups.Nor do conservatively Western looks appeal to me.I swear by the word 'mix and match'.So,I had a long day at college today.Got out at 8:30 a.m. and returned after 10 p.m.So,when I woke up in the morning,there was only one thing in my mind-COMFORT!And I dressed down.But added my small twist and ended up feeling like a princess throughout the day!Took a few pictures before going out.Thought would share.
                                                         On a totally unrelated note,you must remember the 'cute but a little too fair verbals teacher with pink lips and a perfect British accent'.I bought this card for him but couldn't give it to him since we weren't having English classes for two weeks or so.So,I left the card with the receptionist and cleverly(or not-so-cleverly) slipped in my mail ID inside the card.It has been a few days.I almost started to think that it was a wrong decision but after coming home back tonight,I found a mail in my inbox-thanking me for the card and a few more kind words that I'd like to keep to myself.I had a terrible day,I really did.But I couldn't ask for a better gift to forget it all.You see,I DO NOT have a crush on him!In fact,I might even consider going out with someone else after September(I'm still working on that and I've not reached a conclusion yet) but I don't know why,the very sight of him makes me want to giggle like a five year old!His easy charm WORKS on me and how!A few moments with him fills me with such a child-like glee!I've not been this happy for quite a while and the best part is that it's completely harmless!No hangover,no expectations,no side effects...It's like watching a street dancer perform.Happiness without any cost.It's so pure and so innocent that it almost freaks me out!Whenever I've been this happy in the past,it didn't come without ugly consequences.But that's something I don't really have to worry about,right?It'll come when it is supposed to.Till then,a visit to the candy store doesn't hurt,does it?

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

I've had a love-hate relationship with the sun all right but all these raining is making me kind of sad.I've already started missing the bright,sunny days.I've almost forgotten how it feels to walk at a speed more than two meters per minute and still not get splattered with a mud pack!So,thought would share some old,'sunny' pictures.