Dreams born out of fear...

I'm a firm believer of dreams. Dreams, if believed in and strived for, do come true. Even with the excessive exposure to television and video games these days, I'd like to pass on the pure, unadulterated gift of dreaming to my next generation. But do we ever wonder how our dreams are born? Do we dream of becoming someone or doing something because we really want what we dream or because we are scared of becoming someone else or doing something else that we loathe? I found out the origin of my dreams and it didn't turn out to be delightful. If there's one thing that I've wanted since time immemorial, it would be independence. Independence didn't mean only being financially independent. I always dreamt of being empowered enough to take my own decisions and own up my failures. Whoever saw me as a child still talks about how my games were always about going to work carrying my mother's "vanity bag", teaching, treating patients, refusing to get married and spend my life doing household chores...However, on further introspection, I realised how this idea of independence appealed to me simply because I didn't want to end up being like my grandmothers - asking for money from their husbands for every need, quietly accepting the humiliation of being explained how hard earned money should be spent if their husbands don't consider the expenses justified, not being able to speak out if they don't want to get pregnant any more, not being strong enough to walk out of a toxic marriage, putting up with abusive fathers for years...I didn't have a very coherent idea about being independent. All I knew was that I didn't want to grow up to be one of them.

Set Theory in Mathematics explains a beautiful concept called Complement Set using Venn Diagram. If all Sets are considered as Subsets of a Universal Set U, the Complement of a Set A would be U\A which includes everything under the sun other than A. My attempt to escape the life my grandmothers have had has forced me to become everything other than what they were even if I didn't originally have the taste for some of the things I have done during this attempt.

The sudden and painful realisation of not having an original dream of my own, independent of others' influences hit me hard. Would I be a robot without dreams if the persons playing an incidental role in forming my dreams simply cease to exist?

Pants, jacket, midi rings, loafers - Linking Road, thrifted tank top - B.K.Market, lipstick - Red Plum by Colorbar

Another year, nothing more, nothing less...

As I stared into the midnight sky lit with the crackers from New Year's Eve, I couldn't help suppressing a chuckle. People making merry, watching popular actors dance and crack jokes in the idiot box, drinking and passing out in shabby hostels... celebrating is a diverse exercise indeed. What would remain unchanged on the very same day after a year is the desperate attempt to leave the failures of the past year behind and pretend, even if for a few days that everything would be all right in the coming year.

I, for one, belong to a different school. The burden of things that should have been completed in the year gone by weighs me down every time. The oh-so-familiar sensing of mistakes that would be repeated once more scares me. And the sheer boredom of the year ahead tires me even before the year has actually begun. And, just like my all time favourite poet Plath, I too keep wondering then,"is there no way out of the mind?"

Kurta - Colaba Causeway, ripped denims - Jabong(and DIYed by my love Debi), rings and earrings - New Market, silver kolhapuri - Shreeram Arcade, bindi - mom's, lipstick - Wicked by Colorbar

On a more cheerful note, I turned 26 and realised that I quite like the idea of slowly turning into a lonely old lady with an opinion. In order to celebrate ageing, I chose to go ethnic with this kurta I had bought during one of my random Colaba trips and never wore later. With age, the effort associated with accessorising is also proving to be tiresome. Hence, I go minimal on most of the occasions these days. Having no winter here in Mumbai doesn't help the layering lover in me though.

How did you usher in 2016? Lonely and unceremonious like me or grand and blurry?

Memories unsold, stories untold...

In the flinching light, I saw.
I saw traces of memories
from last night,
unpenetrated by the harshness
of morning reality,
strewn about the floor
like virgin jasmines.

Maxi Dress - Sudder Street, cuff - New Market, neckpiece - Linking Road, shirt - Nuon, lipstick - Passionate by Colorbar

It's an understatement to call this maxi my go to piece of clothing. Bought from a random shop in Sudder Street during a lazy afternoon walk with a friend on a marijuana hunt for some 250 bucks, I have worn this maxi at least thrice in the past two years on the blog itself! Same goes for the cuff that has been my staple accessory for the past four years. And even though the neckpiece is no more alive, thanks to a wild encounter one Saturday night, it has served me well for the past six months.

I'll be back with my 'oh how I miss Kolkata winter' posts but till then, take care and like I always say, keep it stylish.
P.S. If you are travelling from Kolkata to Mumbai any time before February, you can also get me some nolen gur. *Wink*

Setting priorities

A considerable part of my childhood was spent making plans on things to do once I get a job. Buying all the books under the sun, going on a shopping spree and signing up for expensive, day long dance classes topped the list. It hit me the other day that working has only taken me far, far away from the person I had aspired to become once I start earning. I've not been able to pursue my hobbies as much as I used to while studying, let alone more. I kept wondering whether it was worth it. Sure I love my job, I love living in the fastest and arguably the biggest city in India, I love being independent...I love it all! But with every passing day, I lose touch with my true self a little more. I wake up every morning - fresh and beaming with energy, ready to take on the world but what about the early morning newspaper I used to read till 12 p.m. before researching more on the topic the editorial that day was written about? What about the leisurely breakfast I used to make myself and wonder if it'd feel this satisfying even when I'm eighty? What about the hawker I used to chat with every afternoon irrespective of whether I buy Popsicle from him or not?

Life is cruel. It lures one with promises of things they have always fantasised about and then takes even their bare necessities from them. I've learnt it the hard way and therefore, decided not to let go of the few principles I've, the few people I care for and the few things I'm passionate about, come what may. I decided not to give up on my early morning exercise, reading a few pages at least once every week and talking to my parents everyday. Putting my foot down and taking this decision not only made me feel empowered but also a lot lighter. Setting our own priorities is important in order to stop disappointing ourselves everyday. What are your priorities? How do you ensure you don't compromise on them?

Pleated maxi skirt and tan tote - Jabong, tussled crop top - Max, black oxfords - Simpark Mall, silver neckpiece - Linking Road, lipstick - Arresting Pink by Colorbar
Picture Courtesy - Anu

These pictures were rotting in my draft for almost a month. Crazy working hours and hectic travelling(and a laptop that's obsessed with crashing) didn't help. But I finally showed them the light of the day! Looking at these also reminded me of the super, super fun evening I spent with my best friend during her Mumbai trip for Lakme Fashion Week almost a month back. This skirt has been my go to piece of clothing for almost a year. The crop top was a gift during my recent Hyderabad trip. Together, they make for such an effortless, chic look even though I wish I had enough energy to take better pictures.

These days, I've also been introspecting a lot regarding my blog. More on that later though. Meanwhile, if you are in Kolkata at this moment, do let me know how the kaash phool(the nerds tell me that they are called saccharum spontaneum but I find it very difficult to believe) looks now and if the Dhaakis have already started beating their drums. Oh how I miss this pre - pujo madness!

Unequal Role Perceptions

I was fifteen when I had told a friend that I want to be a single mother because "I don't want to share my baby with anyone else." I told her that I felt my mom was capable of doing everything that my dad does if she wants to but my dad can't do the same. So, I can imagine her bringing me up on her own but the idea of growing up with only my father scares the shit out of me. I also admitted that I like boys but I'm not sure about sharing things I love with them(chocolates and books being my obvious choice back then). My friend was horrified and even though she didn't tell me, I'm sure she thanked God for not being my daughter. A decade has passed but the story remains the same everywhere.

                                                                                                                        I'm not a staunch feminist. In fact, I have chosen to call myself "not a feminist" for at least the past five years. So, the idea of some people perceiving women as weak, fragile and dependent doesn't annoy me, it amuses me. Yes, I have seen women who always need someone to fall back on but I know for sure that I can bloody well protect my child in this big, bad world and provide for them as long as I have a job and I'm physically fit.

                    On a related note, I was reading an article the other day about male rape victims finding it difficult to share their pain and seek medical help because being raped isn't "manly" and trying to carry on with their so called normal life despite the regular bleeding and the pus-covered anus. A little more research on the same topic made me throw up and cry. I kept wondering what purpose such skewed role definitions of our society served other than alienating people and breaking their hearts. Putting your wife through indirect mental torture because she earns more than you do is as bad as leaving your husband because he is a rape victim. Forcing your son to go for Cricket coaching instead of Odissi classes is as bad as not letting your daughter go to school. When would we accept human beings as human beings? I see so many brave, intelligent, powerful women wasting all their energy on the eternal I-can-do-it-better-than-you fight with men instead of trying to find out what it is that they are originally good at and focus on being the best at that instead of always trying to be better than someone. If one always strives to be as good as someone at something, the person would never be able to rise beyond that someone. I should aim to be my best. If I end up being better than a few people in the process, that's only an added bonus. Is it that hard to achieve? I dream of a society where sex would be just as menial an information as someone's blood group on a form which is meant to be used only in case of emergency. I dream of a society that welcomes both a masculine woman and an effeminate man with an open embrace. I dream of a society where I won't be judged for being a single mother and my son won't be called names if he finds my aanchal comforting even after the age of eighteen. I dream of a society where I'd be a human being first and then a woman.

Maxi dress- Emami Market, cuff and rings- New Market, silver kolhapuri- Shreeram Arcade, lipstick- Orange Punch by Colorbar

Inspiration - Muse-ment...

Oh, happiness is not what I seek.
Give me the saddening Summer creak.
And the Autumn sand.
Also, the contraband
of wars going on inside
where despite my best efforts
the devil wins bona fide.

When I pass by
your place while
being on the sly;
for me, shed a tear
or two as I welcome
like a tired child, my fear
and look it in its eye,
resigned yet calm,
kissing our dreams goodbye.


After almost a year long phase of being able to imagine only in Bengali, inspiration happened quite by chance. Dreaming, imagining and writing only in Bengali was extremely satisfying but among other things, Bengalis are also famous for being "truly bilingual". As one of my favourite authors Kunal Basu puts it, "...Because we, the Bengali intelligentsia...are this rare species on earth that is truly bilingual...Bilingualism doesn't mean being able to read street signs or being able to read newspapers in two languages. It means having two streams flow inside our consciousness. And being able to dip into one stream without abandoning the other. The educated Bengali actually had their toes dipped in both these streams. They read Samar Sen with a passion which was no less than the passion with which they read Sylvia Plath." So, being the true Bengali that I'm, not being able to pen down my thoughts in a few coherent English lines was painful and I was elated when inspiration came in the most unusual form - a few lines scribbled by fellow blogger Kshipra! And there it goes! My creative block(in English)coming to a pleasant end. And in order to celebrate it, I took the new cape out for a spin. Mixing prints is an absolute personal favourite while monochrome and stripes happen to be my ultimate solution to any fashion crisis. And that's how this outfit was born.

Shorts- B.K.Market, shirt- Colaba Causeway, cape- Myntra, brogues- Simpark Mall, lipstick- MAT4 Bold Matte by Maybelline

I'll be back with my Summer staple- maxis and a painful journey I keep fantasising about. Till then, take care and like I always say, keep it stylish.

Summer Stories...

Summer is officially in full swing, fellas! And for some reason, this year, I'm hating it less than I usually do. It might have something to do with the evening breeze here in Mumbai or the weekend beach outings though. Humid as it is, there's no denying that Spring-Summer shouts out 'bright' and 'happy' loud while my favourite season Winter can't really escape the 'dark' and 'gloomy' tags. Given my obsession with layering, I try to find ways to layer even in this heat. Back home, Summer used to be about kaal-boishakhi(Nor'wester) followed by post-storm raw mango collection, shorbot (sorbet is close but not quite the same)made with gondhoraj lebu(a variety of lime available only in Bengal), himshagar aam( again, a variety of mango available only in Bengal), staring at the scorching sun during lazy Sunday afternoons while reading and wondering if life, too, is as unforgiving at times. Things of course, have changed quite a bit here but it has been a welcome change, to say the least. The clock is ticking and with every passing day, the dreadful moment of leaving Mumbai and going back to my least favourite place is approaching closer. But this time, I'm on a mission to be happy and enjoy myself till the doomsday arrives. On that note, say hello to my daylong semi-sexy tan and my current obsession with this denim shirt!

Over-sized denim shirt, eagle ring- Colaba Causeway, maxi dress(worn as a skirt)- Sudder Street, earcuff- Linking Road, jooti, cuff - New Market, lipstick- Arresting Pink by Colorbar

I'll be back with my third obsession stripes(denim and monochrome being the other two)hopefully before leaving. Till then, take care and like I always say, keep it stylish!